Living in Nicaragua

Family pictures!

2012-01-05T09:50:00.004-05:00

I wanted to share some family portraits we had taken right after Thanksgiving.

Such handsome men, are they not? They are growing up so fast.

I've noticed that with each child we have added to our family, the sensation of time slipping away has deepened, and I have struggled in vain to hold the days back, to slow down time.

My baby will be 3 in a few short months (already!), thank you Lord for the gift of precious awareness, this living in the moment, the enjoyment of each breath my babies take, each discovery of new surprises.

I am truly blessed.

Am I different?

2012-01-03T20:07:00.001-05:00

What does the church look like today? There are endless debates on how much, and in what manner, we should look differently than the world. Clothes, books, education, war, and hair are among the thousands of areas in which the members of the body of Christ do not agree.

Just how different should we be?

Last month our pastor talked of the kingdom of God, and what the early church "looked" like. He read a letter, written not by a Christian, but by an outsider, one who observed Christians. The letter was written to Diognites (written in Greek in the middle of the second century). Notice his observations:

They are poor and yet they make many rich.

They are completely destitute and yet they enjoy complete abundance.

Christians cannot be distinguished from the rest of the human race by country or language or customs they do not live in cities of their own. They do not use a peculiar form of speech they do not follow an eccentric manner of life. Christians are residents.

And although they live in greek and barbarian cities alike as each ones lot has been cast they follow the customs of the country in clothing and food and other matters, so the eat and dress similar to other people

they live amidst other people

at the same time they give prove of the remarkable and their extraordinary commonwealth.

They live in their own countries but only as resident aliens.

They have a share in everything as citizen and yet they endure everything as foreigners.

Every foreign land is their fatherland and yet every fatherland is their foreign land.

Christians marry like everyone else and they beget children but they don’t discard their unwanted infants.

They share their food with each other but not their marriage bed.

The busy themselves on earth but their citizenship is in heaven.

They love all people but by all are persecuted.

They are unknown but still they are condemned.

They are put to death and yet they are brought to life (the were not afraid to die)

They are dishonored but in their very dishonor glorified.

They are defamed and they are vindicated.

They are reviled and yet they bless

They love their enemies.

When they are affronted they still pay due respect.

So Christians are similar to ordinary Romans and yet they are distinctive from ordinary Romans.

What the soul is in the body that Christians are in the world.

Our pastor then challenged us to contemplate: What would an "outsider" say of us today?

WHAT WOULD THE LETTER OF DIOGNITES SOUND LIKE IF HE WOULD WRITE IT ABOUT {insert you or your church}?

They drive cars but ....

They own houses yet....

They live in the most powerful nation of the earth but....

Some have money but...

They dress comfortably but...

They watch movies but...

They use technology....

Thoughts?

Bring on the new year!

2012-01-02T19:44:00.000-05:00

This past year was a year of many changes for us: changes in jobs, living situations, schools...it felt like just about everything but family, thankfully. We started the year with a very specific life plan and have ended the year looking deeply into the unknown.

My hubby and I just finished going through the devotional Moments with You, by Dennis and Barbara Rainey (excellent devotional book for couples, by the way!), and the last devotional of the year was thought provoking and quite suitable for our family. You might say it is our family's theme this coming year. The devotional talked of trusting God, in day and night, and quoted the first four lines of a poem, as seen below.

The lines are from the poem "The Gate of the Year", written in 1908 by Minnie Louise Haskins:

And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year:

“Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.”

And he replied:

“Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God.

That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.”

So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night.

And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.

So heart bestill:

What need our little life

Our human life to know,

If God hath comprehension?

In all the dizzy strife

Of things both high and low,

God hideth His intention.

God knows. His will

Is best. The stretch of years

Which wind ahead, so dim

To our imperfect vision,

Are clear to God. Our fears

Are premature; In Him,

All time hath full provision.

Then rest: until

God moves to lift the veil

From our impatient eyes,

When, as the sweeter features

Of Life’s stern face we hail,

Fair beyond all surmise

God’s thought around His creatures

Our mind shall fill.

Happy New Year!

Gifts that Give hope

2011-11-03T15:41:00.000-04:00

Want to do something different this year for Christmas?

Check out Lancaster's Gifts that Give Hope Fair, happening November 20th. Read the below for more information, or click on the link Gifts that Give Hope.

Lancaster’s 4^th annual Alternative Gift Fair is an opportunity to give back to the larger community and honor your loved ones at the same time. Instead of purchasing traditional gifts, participants honor their friends and family by making meaningful donations to local and global non-profits while improving the lives of others who are not on anyone’s gift list!

Participating in an alternative gift fair is a great way to make a difference this holiday season. At the fair, learn about the many local, national and international non-profit organizations making a difference in your community and world. Choose from a list of tangible gifts, such as a flock of chicks for a family in Haiti, food for an orphanage or life saving medicine and medical supplies. You will have an opportunity to choose donation items from thirty carefully selected participating non-profits.

Not only will you be able to make a big difference, but you can enjoy a wonderful blend of food and beverages from Rachel’s Creperie, Café Chocolate, Upohar Ethnic Cuisine, Rafiki's Cafe, Cocina Mexicana, Rice and Noodles, Square One Coffee, Stroopies and Tortina Bakery.

Live items include jewelry from BEAD FOR LIFE, an organization that provides impoverished Ugandan women an opportunity to earn a living by making this beautiful jewelry out of colorful recycled paper. 100% of the proceeds from the sale go to BEAD FOR LIFE.

Fair Trade Items include Divine Chocolate, Delicious Peace Coffee, Olive Oil from Palestine and a variety of Tea. Fair trade aims to use sustainable business to break cycles of poverty and dependency in the developing world. We all have a conscience, and we want to give people the chance to use it when they shop.

How one word changed our lives

2011-11-02T08:10:00.003-04:00

He never babbled as a baby.

I remember feeling a tug in my heart, wondering, fearing, that something was wrong.

As the months passed by and I waited, prayed, for a simple "ba, ba" or "da, da", utterings I heard other babies spout so easily, and people waved off my concerns when I had the courage to say them, I continued to wonder, deep down.

When he started speech therapy with Early Intervention, they said, yes, he has a delay, but he's bright, so it won't take long.

Again, the months slipped by, and a word would appear. Elated, I breathed easier, thinking my fears were unfounded.

Until several days later, the word disappeared, and my hopes were dashed.

After eight months of therapy, the speech therapist mentioned in passing, I think he has speech apraxia.

I nodded dumbly and thought, Okay, he has a speech delay. She didn't offer an explanation and I didn't ask. I thought if it was important, she would say so.

Another month passed by, and she stated it again, more clearly, and with more emphasis this time. This time, I looked it up.

Words like neurological condition, speech motor disorder, special needs, learning difficulties, and intensive speech therapy for years took my breath away.

Maybe she's wrong, I thought to myself. I looked at the symptoms. No or little babbling as an infant. Saying a word and then "losing" it. A large gap between receptive and expressive language.

Oh no. I was right. This is much more than a speech delay. Sometimes I hate it when I am right.

What is speech apraxia? Basically, his brain has severe difficulty telling his mouth how to make intelligible sounds. It is a medical condition, not a delay. Kids with a speech delay would eventually learn to talk. Kids with apraxia will never learn to speak unless they have therapy.

Our 2 1/2 yr old son started intensive speech therapy this past week. Thankfully, his speech therapist has 20 years of experience with apraxic kids. This is key, because normal speech therapy measure will not work on our son. And he will need years of therapy. She tells me sympathetically that he has a long road ahead of him. We all do.

What does this mean for our plans to return to Nicaragua? We don't know.

We have been praying that God would heal our son, remove the necessity of having speech therapy a few times a week and save me the work of running around.

But He has yet to answer our prayer, at least in the way we are hoping. and we have asked God to show us if we should plan to return to Nicaragua next summer, as we had been thinking.

So far, He has been silent on the issue.

Our family is our most important ministry. We want our son to be able to communicate. He wants to communicate. So we will stay until God answers our prayer, either through divine intervention or therapy.

Our future is unknown, but we can have peace, because we know Who holds our future.

Our "baby". He is 2 1/2 yr old and currently has one word, "momma"

Prayer requests:
Pray that we could have strength to keep up with all the appointments.
Pray for wisdom as we learn how to discipline and work with our son, who understands much but is increasingly frustrated with his inability to talk.
Pray for patience and grace for all of us, as we work through all these issues.
Pray for sensitivity to God's spirit, as we seek to know the next steps.

a clothes forest

2011-11-01T12:30:00.001-04:00

Living overseas in a third world country means we became accustomed to doing without many modern conveniences....one being the dryer.

Something that seemed so necessary when we lived in the States before, is now....not quite so necessary.

This week our basement looks like the above, a forest of clothes, since we have no dryer and there is snow on the ground...feels like our home in Nicaragua :)

Praise you in the Storm by Casting Crowns

2011-10-31T08:10:00.000-04:00

because life doesn't always go as planned....but even so, I am continually reminded to praise God.

Than's 5 yr photos

2011-10-30T04:00:00.000-04:00

I had some fun the other day (before the snow hit!) to take a few snapshots of my dear five year old boy.

my plan vs God's plan

2011-10-29T19:49:00.002-04:00

I carefully laid every plan:

The future seemed so bright.

My hopes and dreams they towered high-

I saw no trace of night.

And then at closing of the day

I knelt in usual prayer,

And prayed; "Dear Lord, bless every plan-

All that I hope and dare."

But day by day my plans all failed,

My hopes came tumbling down.

All my ambitions disappeared,

And FAILURE was my crown.

Perplexed- I could not understand,

Had I not knelt in prayer?

And asked that every plan and hope

Would find a blessing rare?

Then in the stillness of the night,

Out from the shadows dim,

I heard a sweet persuading voice

That called me close to Him.

"Why don't you let Me make your plans?

I've trod the path before

Just leave the future in My hands,

I'll lead thee o'er and o'er."

In shame, I bowed my humble head;

My spirit low was brought,

For I had caught a strange new light,

By His own Spirit taught.

No longer do I pray as once,

"Dear Lord, bless all my plans."

But now I pray: "Lord, plan for me,

The future's in Thy hands."

Unknown

Happy 5th Birthday Nathaniel!

2011-10-26T11:39:00.002-04:00

My boys are growing up WAY too fast...hard to believe my second son is 5 already!

We celebrated by having a few friends and cousins over to play.

Than picked out a dinosaur cake, which was the theme *smile*

Apparently the T-rex pinata wasn't behaving during the party.

Trains, cars and swords are what make my boy happy.

and of course, cake.

It's funny how Nicaraguan tradition is still deeply rooted in my little guy.

We celebrated his birthday a day after his actual birthday, but when we told him happy birthday before the party, he replied, I haven't hit the pinata, so it isn't my birthday yet.

Touche!

I am ME

2011-10-18T08:35:00.000-04:00

I am me and you are YOU.

God created me to be....me. He did not create me to be just like Mary, or Sue, or Jane.

He does not expect me to be somebody I am not.

How often I have admired other women, for their creative energies, domestic diva prowess, baking abilities, wise character, and so forth. I am blessed to know a host of beautiful women, both inside and out. And how quickly that admiration has turned into self-condemnation, the voices asking me, taunting me, Why am I not like that?

Why cannot I be more like them?

Have more energy?

Be more organized?

Be more spontaneous?

Cook gourmet meals?

Speak more words of wisdom?

Laugh more?

Need less sleep?

Be more creative?

Be more time-efficient?

Be more extroverted?

Spend more time with God?

Not be stressed with only 3 children?

and on, and on, it goes.....there is no end to the introspection. There never will be, if truth be told, because I am a truly flawed and imperfect person, whom God loves, and has loved, since the beginning of time.

"But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

~ Romans 5:8

Meditate on that for a moment.

God loved me, before I started trying to be good, before I even knew that I was a sinner. He loved me, loves me still, with ALL my faults.

If God can accept me as I am, loving me fully, can I not accept myself, and love myself for who He has made me?

I am NOT stating that we should never strive to be better, to become more like Him. Indeed, while He loves us as we are, He encourages us to be holy, as He is holy. However, self-condemnation will never get us closer to Him. It only alienates us, from Him and from others.

There is a difference between striving to be more like God because we are in a relationship with Him and viewing others' gifts as an excuse to beat ourselves up. God asks that we look to HIM, not others, as our example. He needs to be our model.

Remember, other people are not as flawless as you might think *wink, wink*

Scripture and a Snapshot

2011-10-17T08:14:00.001-04:00

“For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

²⁶ Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?

²⁷ And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?

²⁸ And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin,

²⁹ yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.

³⁰ But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you?You of little faith!

Jesus - Matthew 6:25 - 30

There are many passages in the Bible that are daily applicable to my life, the above being one of them. How often I read Jesus' words, nod my head and accept their quiet authority, and then not many days later, I realize that, once again, I have taken to worrying and carrying the heavy burdens of life. How easily His truths slip through my fingers and steal away!

God, grant that I may truly know you as my Provider of all things.

Ode to mothers...

2011-10-08T12:00:00.000-04:00

This poem is in the beginning of a wonderfully humorous devotional book for mothers, called Out of the Spin Cycle by Jen Hatmaker. This is in reference to my last post.

A (Fairly Lame) Ode to Mothers

An ode to the marvelous woman called "Mother"

Though not one of us is exactly like another.

From the second we're born to the minute we die

Our preferences are as limitless as stars in the sky.

We might have been perfectly gorgeous before

But childbirth entered us in the Mommy War.

Rather than letting everyone else be

We criticize parenting that isn't exactly like...me.

So once and for all let me put this to rest

None of us owns the title of "best".

Natural childbirth does not make you a hippy

Epidurals are not just for women who want to feel trippy.

In a bathtub with a doula or in a hospital bed

We all got a baby with limbs and a head.

Nursing is great if nothing goes wrong

But some nipples turn inward and refuse to play along.

This is a choice for each mom-it's her route

So it's just A+B and everyone else can C their way out.

Schedules and timers do not make you cruel

Feeding on demand does not make you a fool.

In the nursery with a monitor or in the family bed

Every chick gets to pick where her baby lays his head.

If I see one more mom roll her eyes at "organic..."

"Partially hydrogenated" throws some of us into panic.

But neither judge Sonic burgers and fries

Some of us just want to enjoy food before we die.

Preschool, home school, public or Montessori

Listen, my friends, and I'll tell you a story.

Two moms differed on favorite school trends

Their kids turned out pretty much the same. The end.

If a girl gets the title of "mom" accidentally

The worst thing we can do is treat her judgmentally.

How about some love, some help, some advice?

She needs our love and we shouldn't think twice.

Discipline through various methods will prevail

Look, we're all just trying to keep our kids out of jail.

These things are just preferences, not right or wrong

What matters more is teaching our kids to get along-

To love and to share, to speak gently and kind,

To obey so that mom won't go out of her mind.

Showing them Jesus is our common ground

Teaching them how he can always be found.

He's present in public school and Waldorf (so trendy)

He's over at Whole Foods but also at Wendy's.

Jesus never cared about these sorts of things

It's our hearts that he wants and the worship we bring.

It's time for us moms to declare at truce

Regardless if we buy Capri Sun or 100 percent juice.

My way is not your way and your way isn't mine

But both of our kids will turn out just fine.

Rather than judging and looking down our noses

Let's enjoy the common ground motherhood poses.

As believers, we all love the same good Lord

We all have children who tells us "I'm bored."

We all need more sleep than these tiny five hours

Most of us struggle to find time for a shower.

We haven't been to the bathroom alone in an age

Our mothers have all told us, "Relax, this is just a stage."

We all love our babies so much we could die

We'd take a bullet for each one without batting an eye.

Though we are difference, we're in the same tribe

Motherhood requires a similar vibe-

Love and affection, sacrifice and grace

Laughter, which keeps the whole mechanism in place.

Though different, by the grace of God, I suspect:

ALL our children will rise up and call us...collect.

the comparison trap

2011-10-05T08:40:00.001-04:00

As women, it's hard not to compare our lives, ourselves to others. We compare our shoes, fashion wardrobes, jobs and/or career choices, our boyfriends or husbands (or if we're single, how much better our life would be if we had a man).

But then it gets worse; we have children.

Our competitive edge and comparison notes skyrocket, and it starts before our babies are even born.

We talk about how much weight our friends' gain but then off-handedly remark that we only gained 5 pounds (and had a 20 pound baby!). We mentioned how small everybody else looks, but of course, we are HUGE. (how does that work?)

We can't help but smirk when we hear somebody had an epidural at only 5 cm, but boast of having back labor for 3 days with no pain meds, scrapbooking through the contractions and even managed to do our nails while pushing.

and then, of course, there is the competition about who had the largest baby, who sleeps through the night first, how long you nurse, how quickly you fit back into your clothing (for some of us, the answer is NEVER), whose baby rolls over, sits up, eats food, walks and talks first....and it goes on and on.

What happened to sisterhood? What happened to supporting each other through all these stages, when we are feeling the most insecure and wonder if we're being the best woman/mom that we can be?

Ladies, we need to wake up.

Life is hard enough without adding to each other's stress. Instead of being a source of strain, why not share each other's burdens?

Competition isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it doesn't belong between women, between sisters in Christ. When we are struggling with our weight, wondering if a man will ever fall in love with us, hoping to find a job that we actually like, fighting to balance family, marriage, time with God and time for ourselves, snide comments and subtle barbs are not what we need.

Let's lower our shields and allow ourselves the freedom to be "just ourselves"....it's okay that we're not perfect because guess what? NOBODY IS.

Don't fall for the lie that you are the only one that doubts, or has insecurities. We need to talk about our fears, our struggles, our hopes and dreams. I doubt there isn't a single mom out there who hasn't wondered, at least once, if she is doing a good job. Or a single woman that fears always being single.

My next post will talk about loving ourselves for who we are.

Accidents DO happen

2011-09-21T19:58:00.000-04:00

This afternoon I promised my boys we would do a treasure hunt after supper. While they cleaned up the table, I put my artistic skills to use and drew up a map and clues.

As they ran around the house, trying to find the clues, there was an enormous BANG!! and I thought the house was falling apart. Running outside, I was thankful to see the house still standing.

But shocked to see a pick-up truck had T-boned our parked car, pushing it up onto the sidewalk.

Apparently the guy came around the curve and spun on the wet road. He felt bad; at least his truck was still driveable. I guess that is why they call them accidents. Please, be careful when driving on wet roads!

Abundant Life

2011-09-18T15:20:00.000-04:00

Today I am linking up with Katie's Scripture and a snapshot....

This past week I have had this verse running through my head. Am I living life, fully, abundantly, joyously, completely alive and intentionally? Or am I simply surviving, getting through each day, looking forward to bedtime, to my next nap, to my next vacation? Is my vision completely future-oriented? Or am I enjoying each day as it comes and allowing God to draw me closer to Him, through all of His mysterious ways?

A deeper story : After the fire

2011-08-31T07:49:00.000-04:00

A great post....for those of us who are struggling to hear God, who want answers, or sometimes even wonder if God is real....check out this post, And after the fire came a gentle whisper. And it's written by a MAN, something I would love to see more of in the blogging world. I paced up and down the front steps of the porch, biting my thumbnail until there was nothing left to chew but skin. The anxiety in my gut was like someone had slammed a knife in my side and left me for dead.

I needed answers. I needed to come out on top. I needed to be right.

Because soon I was going to confronted. There would be accusations, and I was going to have to stand my ground. I wanted to have things my way with my accuser. Both myself and the woman I love were under attack. I needed to defend. To protect. As I waited for my turn to speak, I became angry. I prayed. I prayed for God to give me the words to say. I wanted my anger to be seen in full force. I wanted the last punch, the last word, the last laugh.

Slowing it Down and enjoying the Mess

2011-07-26T13:31:00.000-04:00

I should be unpacking right now.

I am SO ready to have my house together, to be able to walk around without tripping on boxes, or wondering which box such and such is stashed.

I usually thought of myself as a fairly patient person, but not this week.

I was impatient with my husband, snapped at my kids, and cried to myself.

I was especially impatient with myself.

I complained to anybody who would listen, including God.

"I just want to be done with unpacking!" I whined. but then it goes on..."I want to be done with...

"...diapers"
"...breaking up fights"
"...teaching manners"
"...learning how to be a good wife"
"...picking up toys and cleaning up messes"
"...cleaning up the messes in my own life"

Aha! So there is the crux of it all. Walking this healing journey has meant opening up places that have been dark for a very long time, letting the light in and handling some very big messes. And although they call it "healing", it feels chaotic and stressful, and my life suddenly feels incredibly messy. I have felt desperate for order somewhere in my life, if not within me, at least on the outside. But it eludes me. I hate feeling so messy, so out of order.

"and what is wrong with messy?" God asked me the other morning. "where does this drive to be perfect, to have complete order, come from?" Good question.

somehow, someway, messy has become synonymous with bad, or sinful, or unstable. Or this feeling of not truly walking with God if my life seems to be out of order. What a lie! Brennan Manning states the truth so well in his book, Abba's Child:

"Christians who remain in hiding continue to live the lie. We deny the reality of our sin. In a futile attempt to erase our past, we deprive the community of our healing gift. If we conceal our wounds out of fear and shame, our inner darkness can neither be illuminated nor become a light for others. The Wounded Healer (Henri Nouwen) implies that grace and healing are communicated through the vulnerability of men and women who have been fractured and heartbroken by life. In Love's service, only wounded soldiers can serve."

But HE is teaching me to relax, to slow down, to look beyond the messy. To open my eyes and understand that the messy pile is just a part of life.

To be human is to be messy.

None of us are perfect, and so when we allow God to work in us, there will inevitably be a mess. You cannot clean a room without making a mess. You cannot bake a cake without making a mess. You cannot have a baby without making a mess.

So when I go to bed tonight and still have to walk around boxes, I'll remember that it's okay. One cannot move and be completely unpacked and moved in within a day. Neither can I heal from a lifetime of hurt overnight. So today I will unpack and heal and enjoy life, and that is all God asks of me. To follow Him today wherever He may lead and let the rest go.

What to do First

2011-07-18T13:15:00.000-04:00

Lately I've been asking myself the question, What do I do first?

It feels like there are always a million things to do, and several of them should be done right now. Like...

the laundry

dishes

playing with my kids

paying the bills

making some phone calls

writing a few letters

unpacking

and then the myriad of other things that would be nice, but so often get swept to the side, such as

writing on my blog

taking photos

getting time away for myself

getting time away with my hubby

cleaning the house

playing the piano

finishing my cross-stitch pieces

learning how to sew

working on a garden

cutting my sons' hair

and on and on it goes....

While I was pondering over this dilemma today, I heard God say to me, Why don't you take a moment with ME? Follow ME first, and I will give you all these things. I will give you peace. I will direct your paths.

No wonder it felt like too much. I've been trying to do it all without God. I had left Him at church...but suddenly, life didn't seem so overwhelming, I felt at peace, and I realized what needs to be done first. So please excuse me while I go spend a few minutes on my knees.

trying to find my way

2011-07-11T11:15:00.000-04:00

The above has been my life for the past few weeks.....hence, the silence on my blog. We finally have the beds made up but are stepping around quite a few boxes and trying to remember where the (towels, toilet paper, bread, diapers, shoes, insert any other random but necessary items) are located.

Thankfully, our house was basically move-in ready, no big renovations necessary. A few small items such as repairing the washer machine line, trying to figure out how to repair the phone lines that were snipped, and trying to get our van windshield and side window repaired since somebody thought it would be funny to throw a large hunk of concrete into it has also kept us busy.

The boys seem quite happy and adjusted in their new home. When I asked our 7 yr old what he thought of the new house, he replied, I like it because it has a lot of hiding places. Definitely a big selling point! We've also enjoyed numerous walks to the nearby parks and hanging out front with our new neighbors. Our street is quite global! Our neighbors are Asian, Hispanic and African-American....how fun!

Hopefully I'll be back up and running full-time on my blog in a few more weeks...after I unpack my brain :)

Texture Thursdays

2011-06-30T13:17:00.001-04:00

My entry for Texture Thursdays...

Fun Shots

2011-06-30T13:12:00.000-04:00

This is what I do for fun when I need a break from packing...

Kids are free entertainment

First Friday in Lancaster

2011-06-30T10:28:00.000-04:00

No plans for your Friday night tomorrow night?

Do you enjoy art galleries, music, and walking around the city?

Come out for Lancaster city's First Friday event tomorrow night!

Click HERE to see a list of all the galleries and shops that will be open for your pleasure!

Hours are from 5 - 9 pm.

My church is also taking part in First Friday, and will be showcasing many of the photos that I took while in Nicaragua, which will be on sale.

To preview some of the photos on sale, click HERE.

You can also buy greeting cards with Nicaraguan landscapes, purses woven by a women's cooperative in Nicaragua, sample some food and traditional drinks, listen to some traditional music, and buy some jewelry!

Come drop in anytime from 6 - 8 pm, at 20 North Charlotte St. at West End Mennonite Fellowship.

Hope to see you there! Leave a comment with any questions and I'll get back to you :)

Country Setting

2011-06-29T11:18:00.000-04:00

There are so many things I enjoy about living in the city.

BUT...I will miss my backyard view....

On the move (again!)

2011-06-29T07:46:00.001-04:00

Just some random shots around the house....they all evoke a sense of "summer", don't they?

I know it's been quiet around here lately...probably due to the amount of energy spent packing our stuff into boxes and trying to keep the boys busy. Yes, we love moving so much, we decided to do it a 5th time in one year! *sarcasm* Actually, we found a great deal on a house that is closer to friends and church, and couldn't pass up a mortgage payment less than our rent. In addition, we thought we could possibly rent it out to give us some support when we return to Nicaragua, or sell it, depending on the market and how long we are here. We hope to move within the week, we are just waiting on a confirmation date for settlement.

Be warned that with all the moving and not having access to internet could keep the posts a bit sparse for a few weeks. But I look forward to rejoining the blogging world as soon as the dust settles!

the start of summer

2011-06-24T18:09:00.000-04:00

3 black eyes

1 knocked out front tooth

one aspirated peanut

4 X-rays

1 fingernail smashed and fallen off

too many bruises and scrapes to count

Yes, we're off to a great start to summer

can you tell I have a house full of boys?

although we are really enjoying catching fireflies in the evenings...

notice the little yellow lights....our friendly neighborhood fireflies

Texture Thursdays

2011-06-23T18:09:00.000-04:00

What do you get when you have 2 adult women, add in 4 kids, a completely packed minivan, and 4 days?

You get an incredible and fun road trip!!!

So that explains the long break on my blog, but I'm hoping to get back into writing more, although we ARE in the process of moving, which has been taking up lots of time lately (can we say piles of boxes??)

anyways...I'm linking up with the texture thursdays photo challenge, and it was really hard to pick.

I picked these 3 photos and need to narrow it down to just one of them. Which one do you like best?

I have a few more days to enter my photo, so don't be shy! Leave your comment!

Scripture and a Snapshot (June 13)

2011-06-13T21:53:00.001-04:00

This lovely bird sat right outside my boys bedroom window and spent most of the evening napping...our faces a mere few inches away, examining all of it's delicate features.

As I sat admiring his delicate feet and fine feathers, the verse in Matthew came to mind.

Climbing the walls

2011-06-13T09:43:00.000-04:00

My boys are energetic. Super energetic.

Especially when they are all together.

Sometimes they climb the walls.

Literally.

The 2 yr old tries, but bless his heart his legs aren't quite long enough.

Soon enough....

Baby shower cake and flowers

2011-06-11T15:21:00.000-04:00

I love all the flowers around our house...especially because I didn't have to do any work to get them here :)

These are the beautiful tiger lilies around our house. There are also dwarf and white lilies around.

My latest baby shower cake. I know, I know, I said I was going to take a break last month...and I've made 3 cakes since then. But this time, I am serious. With packing and getting ready to move, plus having all 3 boys at home, time is a rare commodity these days. So I plan to take off at least a month.

Another Shot

2011-06-11T09:18:00.000-04:00

I love this shot of my niece.

I think the colors are amazing, and I love the curls in her hair.

So I'm entering the photo into the Photo Competition: Your best shot! (keep your fingers crossed!!)

I almost never edit my photos, but I admit I did mess with the colors just a teensy bit, to brighten it up.

What a Peanut taught me...

2011-06-09T22:18:00.000-04:00

I learned a few interesting lessons this week...from a peanut.

I hear some of you saying, Really? How so?

Let me start with a few of the lessons, and then I'll give you the background.
I learned that:

1. Peanuts are invisible to the X-ray eye.

2. Lungs and peanuts do not mix. Lungs do not like the oils on peanut and quickly become inflamed.

3. Our church is incredibly supportive and helpful during tough times.

4. My body does not comfortably fit into a crib; however, it can stay there for several hours without cramping up.

5. I can still function even if I only get 5 hours of sleep in 52 hours (okay, barely, but I was still walking around...talking was a challenge).

6. Americans should be incredibly thankful for the amazing healthcare and doctors we have here.

7. Hospital food is actually fairly edible.

8. My husband is an amazing man.

9. The house still got messy even though hardly anybody lived here for 2 days.

10. Hospitals always, always remind me of my daughter, and while there I really struggled with the fear of losing another child.

The background:

Last Friday night, while we were enjoying some peanuts, including my 2 yr old, he started to choke and cough, and continued to cough for several hours. The next morning, in addition to the cough, he started wheezing. We went to the pediatrician, where they listened to his chest, which sounded great, then sent him for an X-ray, which also revealed nothing.

2 days later, on Monday, the wheezing and coughing were much worse, so I called the Dr. again. Several hours later they called back and wanted him admitted to the closest children's hospital. Talking to the pediatric surgeons that night, they explained that peanuts are generally not visible on X-rays (good to know!), and listened to his chest, which they pronounced sounding great.

Long story short, they did a scope in the morning and took out a good amount of peanut pieces, but his oxygen levels did not go up, so they kept him another day to observe him and make sure he wasn't getting pneumonia (something peanuts in the lungs can do rather quickly, I was told).

Thankfully, we were able to go home the day after the surgery, and we are all trying to catch up on our sleep and get the house into some semblance of order. His oxygen levels are still not totally normal and he sounds like he is constantly having an asthma attack, but because the peanuts were in his lungs for 4 days, the doctors said it would take a few weeks for his lungs to heal.

Thanks for all the prayers, and let's hope we don't make any more trips to the hospital for a while!

Mondays of Gratitude

2011-06-06T12:51:00.001-04:00

a BIG thanks to Ann for challenging me to find the beauty in the grime, grace amidst the business of three lively young boys.

Mondays can often seem dreary and heavy. The whole long week stretches out before us, with it's endless list of things to do, places to go and meetings to attend. Will it never end?

How lovely to start the week with a list of gratitude...finding God in the cracks of this life....

- grass stains on pants, which show how healthy and active my boys are

- soft hands on my back, grasping my own hands, heads bowed in prayer, lifting me up as I continue to struggle on my journey of healing

- 1 yr birthdays

- the faces of toddlers....ah, such innocence!

- a blazing red sun as it sets

- opening up so many new worlds through book reading with my children

- running my hands through the fine, silken hair of my 2 yr old

- cooking with my hubby for date night at home

How to age your baby in 10 minutes or less...

2011-06-03T10:32:00.002-04:00

Here is my baby BEFORE...

and here is my little boy AFTER the haircut...

It took a few tries...I think toddlerhood is the hardest age to cut hair. But I eventually figured out a system of locking my legs around him, getting a few snips in, then letting him go to run for a few minutes got the job done. It's amazing how much a haircut can change the look...from baby to boy in 10 minutes!

Texture Thursdays

2011-06-02T17:35:00.001-04:00

So....today I joined this photography challenge from another blog, called The Daily Wyatt. The photography challenge? Upload a picture with texture.

So here it is...and have fun perusing the other photos on the Wyatt blog!

Is it Christian?

2011-06-01T09:41:00.000-04:00

Life is so incredible.

I have times of happiness, laughter, joy and silliness, especially when my kids are involved.

But there have also been times of grief, sadness, frustration, and even....anger.

*gasp*

Did I really just say that? But can I really be a Christian and be...angry?

I thought I was healthy. I read lots of book, prayed, went to church, read my Bible, didn't smoke or drink.

But then my daughter died.

And it felt like a river of anger swept out of me, rushing forward, engulfing everything in it's path.

Yes, I was angry about my daughter. But there was also anger from hurt in my past, anger that I had tried to suppress for so many years.

Because it isn't Christian.

Because when I showed my anger to other people, to other Christians, they ran away. They didn't know what to do with it. Add to that all the sermons and talk about loving your enemies, and where does anger fit in? Or grow up in a family like mine, where yelling and copious amounts of anger were the norm, and you don't want to be angry...you've seen enough to last a lifetime.

Is it okay to be angry and still be a Christian?

What does the Bible say?

Most of us know the famous passage, be angry but do not sin. Sounds to me like it is expected that we will get angry, that the emotion itself is not a sin, but how you handle it. Do I tear into other people, smack my children around, and act out through ______ (insert any of the following: shopping binges, drinking, gambling, busyness, drugs, or any other addiction?) Or do I write, draw, play music, exercise, or find somebody safe to talk to about my anger?

I read about Jesus, overturning tables and throwing a whip around, running people out of the temple. I read in Psalms from David, who writes about crushing his enemies to a pulp.

It's been a struggle, but for the first time in my life, I am starting to understand that it's okay to be angry. I am pushing back against the condemnation I feel, from both inside and out, that you cannot be a Christian and be angry. I cannot heal until I have acknowledged my anger and have dealt with it. Ignoring pain, acting like it isn't there, or saying, it isn't all that bad, only pushes the anger deeper, and there it festers, like a putrid wound, seeping into other areas of life. Perhaps that is why the Bible states, Do not let the sun go down on your anger.

I recently heard the comment, Anger turned inward often turns into depression. When I look at the number of people in America today, even the number of people who attend church, that struggle with depression, it makes me wonder...there are a lot of angry people out there.

We've all heard sermons about loving our enemies. Wouldn't it be great to hear a sermon about anger? To hear a whole discussion on righteous anger and how we deal with it, as a church?

Don't you ever feel angry about human trafficking? About the millions of women and children who are sold into slavery each year? About the number of babies aborted around the world? About domestic violence? About the millions of children that die each year because they didn't have clean water to drink? About the fact that our culture has so emasculated men, that nobody seems to know what a real man looks like anymore? About the millions of orphans around the world that are left to themselves, or placed in ill-kept orphanages?

I do.

I feel angry about all these things. In a recent discussion about anger, a woman stated, anger motivates. When we feel angry about something, we are motivated to do something about it. To initiate change. To become involved.

Perhaps anger isn't all that bad.

So many things...

2011-05-30T09:29:00.000-04:00

I have so many things, and people, to be thankful for...

making s'mores in our backyard

cooking with my hubby

all worship Sundays

visions from God

picnics with friends

playing checkers with my oldest

sharing a milkshake

hearing baby birds chirping outside my window

digging for earthworms

feeling the wind on my face

a lawn full of beautiful flowers

holiday weekends and time spent together as a family

Karyn's Fundraising Page

2011-05-29T22:07:00.000-04:00

I want to introduce you all to my amazing friend Karyn.
We've been friends for almost 18 years...that's over half my life!!

She recently joined Team-in-Training, a charity that helps train runners, walkers, triathletes, cyclists and hikers to raise funds for research for a cure for cancer.

They state on their page: If crossing the finish line after running or walking 26.2 miles or 13.1 miles, cycling 100 miles, completing a triathlon or hiking adventure while helping cure deadly diseases are things you've always wanted to accomplish, The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Team In Training^® will make them happen.

Karyn's reason for joining?

On August 7th, 2011 I will be running with my great friend Meredith Sherman (pictured above) in the Providence Rock N’ Roll Half Marathon as a member of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society’s (LLS) Team In Training Program. All of us on Team In Training are raising funds to help stop leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin lymphoma and myeloma from taking more lives. I am completing this event in honor of my Uncle, Bobby Warren, who lost his battle to cancer recently, and the brave heroes and families who are currently in the fight for their lives or the lives of a loved one. But I can't do it alone!! I need your support to cross the ultimate finish line - a cure!

So if you'd like to support her or donate to her half-marathon, click on My Fundraising Page

Karyn (at left) shows off her new Team-in-Training T-shirt

(and no, I do not get any funds or money by promoting her cause :)

Baby Shower Cakes

2011-05-26T18:02:00.000-04:00

I know I said I was going to take a break from cakes, but I just couldn't resist doing these two cakes for a baby shower. Frosting is buttercream with marshmallow fondant accents.

Officially Summer!

2011-05-25T17:33:00.000-04:00

Today was the first day of summer for my oldest boy, he is out of school until August! He really enjoyed being in school and did very well this year, we are very proud of him. His reading abilities have increased dramatically, and he is often seen with book in hand, at the supper table, and in bed.

Part of the end of school year festivities included an all-school picnic, with demonstrations by a local blacksmith and juggler, as well as a Haitian storyteller. Lunch was fantastic, with lots of salads, fruits, hamburgers, hot dogs, and desserts. We all walked, or should I say, waddled? home.

We then went to a church retreat and enjoyed being introduced as new members of the church we have been attending since October. We have been incredibly blessed by our church, in so many ways. We had been alone, spiritually, during the time we spent in Nicaragua, and it's amazing how we became accustomed to being on our own. When we returned last summer, we didn't feel the need to have a good church family, but now that we have one, I wonder how we survived without it!

Over the weekend, we also burned our burn pile, making s'mores, and setting up "camp" in our living room for the boys. Now that it is finally getting warm out, we hope to do some camping in our yard and in some area campgrounds.

For some reason, kids think it is so much better to sleep on the hard floor rather than their soft beds.

Mr. Clown and Mr. Sociable, who talks to everybody and anybody when we go out to public places.

Demonstrating how Haitians build a fire.

John rides a unicycle AND juggles.

The Good Women Project

2011-05-23T08:03:00.000-04:00

Found this incredible blog/community and had to share it with you all.

It's called The Good Women Project.

What is it? This is an excerpt from their page:

"Our generation of women has found itself in the midst of a identity crisis. Young women struggle to stand up for themselves and wait (and fight) for a man who deserves them. We get stuck in sub-par relationships, and the majority of us don’t have parents with healthy marriages to go to for advice. Or, our questions just can’t honestly be answered by people that personally invested in our futures.

Single & married women are stuck with wrestling through taboo topics on their own, and very few women are being mentored or mentoring others.

Because of this, we must step out and start a conversation with good women who can share their pasts and presents with us. Most of life is trial and error, but some things (like picking the man you’ll be sexing up for the rest of your life) cry out for wisdom found in an honest community of experienced women.

We believe that young women are in desperate need of these invaluable gems of wisdom, passed along from smart, sexy, successful older women. And that married women need to be encouraged to keep up the good fight.

We are seeking to provide a place of trust, honesty, truth and encouragement for both single and married women as we wrestle through life together. As women, we are inundated with romance novels and chick flicks, and the Good Women Project desires to deliver reality – the GOOD reality – to your kitchen table, your office space, and your bedroom."

These women are so real, transparent and honest. If you're struggling with issues specific to women, I encourage you to take a look and read stories of how other women have dealt with them.

Blessings

2011-05-20T21:13:00.001-04:00

I've been wrestling with that age old question, Why does God allow bad things to happen? Why am I having to struggle now because of others' actions towards me? I thought I had laid it to rest, after some serious struggles when my daughter died. I threw every question and shot at God that I could think of, and then some.

And you know what?

He wasn't afraid to take it...or to answer my questions.

I don't have these great words of wisdom, but there was an answer that settled in my heart.

He is God. I am not.

Like Isaiah asks, Who can know the mind of God? We cannot put Him in a box, or surround Him with our own small rules and limitations. He is completely outside of any and all boundaries that we have.

And I also realized that there really is no good answer to suffering. For example, I started to realize that while I asked God for months, Why my daughter? Why? WHY? WHY?, what if He actually gave me a reason. Would there be a reason that I could accept? That would make sense out of the madness? What if God wants to teach me patience? Or so that others would come to know Him? I doubt I would have felt better. I still wanted my daughter.

It was then that I realized there really is no "good enough" reason for suffering.

I've really enjoyed the song "Blessings" by Laura Story.
So this song puts into words some of the lessons I have slowly been learning, and will continue to learn, I'm sure, for the rest of my life.

The lyrics are:
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

What it means to be a woman

2011-05-17T08:23:00.000-04:00

A Deeper Story is one of my favorite blogs....a community of real women, talking about really hard issues. Abortion, divorce, abuse, infidelity, marriage, eating disorders....so many issues that we, as women, deal with today, in this broken world. What does it all mean? How do we make sense of it all? and even more importantly, where does God fit into this mess?

One of today's posts is one woman's story of why she starved herself as a child/teenager, and how she is moving beyond the self-hatred , to see her body as something beautiful. She discusses how women are so hard on ourselves, and on each other, how we wrongly lift up our bodies and are continually dissatisfied that they are not what they could never be. We demand perfection...knowing, but not truly knowing, that it is not possible.

She states,

where is the tender perspective?

where is the grace?

towards flesh which Bible says is here today, gone tomorrow, and did we really expect our bodies to save us? skin, but a tent for the souls that matter. a tent erected by holy creator-hands, and it will wear and tear and someday, fold, but it’s a tent declared a temple and so we need honor it sacred.

trace it with loving hands and marvel at the curves which tell our story. smile into the mirror and watch the crow’s feet land.

for God is incarnate in our sinew and muscle. and it is God who says we are loved, and we are lovely, and God does not lie. His is the image we hide in the closet.

Click HERE to read the whole blog.

Cakes Galore!!

2011-05-10T11:11:00.000-04:00

I made these two cakes over the weekend...they were fun to make, especially the suitcase.

The suitcase is white cake with strawberry filling, covered with chocolate ganache, then covered with marshmallow fondant. Everything is edible!! Made for a 30 yr old man that loves to travel.

On another note, I think I will be taking a break from making cakes a bit. Lots has been going on, and I am realizing that I need to slow down more....and that includes my cake making. I'll let you all know when I'm back up and running!!

On another random note, does anybody know how to unstick a photo from glass? This is one of our original wedding photos, and we do not have the negatives. The bottom left corner must have gotten wet, and I cannot get the photo to come loose. Any ideas?

Relaxing

2011-05-06T11:28:00.000-04:00

Weekends are for....

smelling the flowers

finding bugs and earthworms

playing croquet

helping mom frost a cake

and my all time favorite...reading

Remember to relax and have fun with your family, friends and God this weekend!!

Sacred Marriage, Part 1

2011-05-04T10:53:00.000-04:00

This post I will continue my discussion on how bad marriages just happen, while also reviewing Gary Thomas's book, Sacred Marriage, What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?

How to have a bad marriage is simple. Don't do anything. Don't invest any time in your marriage. Don't put any energy into your marriage. Put all your energy into your job, your friends, your church and your kids. Don't be honest, or vulnerable, or transparent. And never, EVER pray together.

Sacred Marriage Review, part 1

2011-05-04T10:48:00.001-04:00

I just finished reading Sacred Marriage, by Gary Thomas, and really enjoyed his perspective on marriage. This book isn't about how to have a happier marriage, but rather, changing one's perspective on marriage, asking ourselves the question, What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?

His first chapter explores this question in more depth. On page 13, he writes,

To spiritually benefit from marriage, we have to be honest. We have to look at our disappointments, own up to our ugly attitudes, and confront our selfishness. We also have to rid ourselves of the notion that the difficulties of marriage can be overcome if we simply pray harder or learn a few simple practices. Most of us have discovered that these "simple steps" work only on a superficial level. Why is this? Because there's a deeper question that needs to be addressed beyond how we can "improve" our marriage: What if God didn't design marriage to be "easier"? what if God had an end in mind that went beyond our happiness, our comfort, and our desire to be infatuated and happy as if the world were a perfect place?

This thinking, of course, goes against everything this culture tells us about marriage, how we need to find that one person that can make us happy, fill our deepest needs and provide never-ending passion and adventure.

But he admits on page 23,

I found there was a tremendous amount of immaturity within me that my marriage directly confronted. The key was that I had to change my view of marriage. If the purpose of marriage was simply to enjoy an infatuation and make me "happy", then I'd have to get a "new" marriage every two or three years. But if I really wanted to see God transform me from the inside out, I'd need to concentrate on changing myself rather than on changing my spouse. I didn't decide to focus on changing myself so that I could have a tension-free marriage or so that I'd be happier or even more content in my marriage. Instead, I adopted the attitude that marriage is one of many life situations that help me to draw my sense of meaning, purpose, and fulfillment from God. [My wife] can't make me happy, not in an ultimate sense. But my wife can't be God, and I was created with a spirit that craves God. Anything less than God, and I'll feel an ache. This is a book that looks and points beyond marriage. Spiritual growth is the main theme; marriage is simply the context. Just as celibates use abstinence and religious hermits use isolation, so we can use marriage for the same purpose-to grow in our service, obedience, character, pursuit and love of God.

And so concludes the review of chapter 1. I will continue to post a review of each chapter and my thoughts. I didn't agree with everything he wrote, but overall, I appreciated the different perspective he shed on marriage.

Cake for soccer fans

2011-04-28T21:57:00.001-04:00

Here is the latest cake I made, for a young soccer fan :)

I thought it turned out pretty well. It was the first time I had ever baked a cake in a pyrex bowl. Seems like every time I make a cake, I learn something new. Oh, and I had so much fun with the grass tip, it was the first time I got to use it!

the smartest kids

2011-04-23T08:14:00.002-04:00

Apparently I must have the smartest kids in the world, because before they have reached the age of 10, they already know everything.

Listen to a few of these quotes from this past week:

"I don't need to go to church anymore, I already know everything about Jesus."

"There is only one thing left that I don't know, and that is how to drive. Will you teach me?"

"I know more than God."

"I know more than you."

This little guy is the only one who doesn't spout his incredible array of knowledge, and only because he doesn't talk much yet.

It's tough living in a house full of know-it-all's, but somehow I make it....

ps yes, more on the Sacred Marriage book later, as promised

How bad marriages just happen

2011-04-21T11:53:00.002-04:00

We've all heard this before, usually from the little people that share our homes with us.

"It just happened!" they cry, as if they had absolutely nothing to do with the accident/spill/toilet paper in the bathtub/paint-all-over-the-walls/pillows-smashed-to-smithereens/{add your own lovely experiences here}.
You know what I'm talking about.

But alas, good marriages do not just happen.

They don't just happen because you eat supper together, make a few babies and sleep in the same bed together. Indeed, these can all create even more space in the relationship. We know. Believe us, we know.

At the marriage weekend away we attended a few months ago, they emphasized that marriages are not stagnant. You are either moving closer together, or moving farther apart. There is no "floating along".

When we came to a crossroads and separation seemed the easy way out, we turned and walked towards commitment. Hard work. A changing of our priorities.

We have date night at least once every two weeks, where we don't talk about the kids, the bills or work. We talk about ourselves, we open ourselves up, become transparent and vulnerable. This can only happen with time, with consistent time away. We check in with each other, ask how we can be a better spouse, how can we support each other better. And we are honest.

We only schedule 2 nights away a week. This ensures that we have time in the evenings to talk and relax together. This means getting the kids to bed at a decent hour. We love our children, and we love our friends, but they are not more important than our marriage. Our marriage was here first, and it will still be here, God willing, when the children leave the house. This is, and was, a very intentional reordering of our priorities. And the kids know, after hearing it many times, that "mommy and daddy time" is very important. And amazingly, they are happier for it.

At the moment I am reading an amazing and insightful book, called Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. More on that for the next post....

Happy birthday 2 you, Sebastian!

2011-04-18T20:27:00.001-04:00

Well, it's hard to believe that my "baby" is two years old. I guess he really isn't a baby anymore, but for some reason, that name sticks.

"Come here, baby!" I call.

"What's wrong, baby?" I ask.

I will probably still be calling him that when he is 30 years old and has children of his own.

I thought about doing decorations. I thought about doing a fancy cake, a Noah's ark cake, but in the end, I decided to just enjoy the weekend with my man and keep it simple.

This is for you, "baby". You are truly our miracle baby. The doctors never expected you to see the light of day, or if you did, to not make it home. But you did, and you are here, at home with us, healthy and full of laughter. I will never stop thanking God for you. It was worth all the pain, all the contractions and sleepless nights. Worth all the steroid shots. And even worth the emergency C-section that didn't go so well.

You are worth all that....and MORE.

Looking forward to another year with you and enjoying every moment, for who can say when will be your last?

A time to talk, a time to have fun

2011-04-15T17:22:00.001-04:00

I am super excited about this weekend...we actually have the whole weekend without kids!!

Well, not the WHOLE weekend. But about 40 hours worth, and that is a LOT, when you have 3 kids. One kid is easy to find a babysitter for, but 3??? It definitely gets trickier as the number of kids goes higher.

So a BIG thank you to my hubby's family and our loads of friends who are making this happen for us. We SO need it. And probably every other parent out there is thinking the same thing, harhar.

Tonight we have reservations at a restaurant/jazz club, which is one of my first loves. And tomorrow, well....tomorrow we have plan A, plan B and plan C, depending on what we are feeling like. We've been going through some processing lately, especially myself. Processing can be hard to do with children around. Almost impossible, to do it really well, and deeply.

But we've come to realize that while we have some ground to make up in our marriage, we cannot always spend the time we have together in "serious" study or talk. We also need to relearn how to have fun together. So in these last few months, we have gone bowling and to the arcade. I definitely do better at the arcade!! As the weather warms up, we look forward to some mini-golf and biking on the rail trails.

When was the last time you did something fun with your special someone? Is it time to plan something?

Auction to support Stacy

2011-04-12T12:28:00.001-04:00

If you live in central PA, come check out this auction and support my friend Stacy Nofziger who plans to serve with EMM in the Czech Republic this August.

The auction will be held this coming Saturday, April 16th at 6 pm, at the EMM Meetinghouse in Salunga. A simple sloppy joe meal will be served from 5 - 5:45 pm.

The items to be auctioned off are:

-2 hours of handyman work

-one 16x20 framed picture

-one set of 3 8x10 framed pictures

-one set of 5 8x10 framed pictures

-basket of Mary Kay items/products ($50 retail)

-homemade mocha truffle cheesecake

-5 swim lessons (by Greta Short)

-1 chiropractic exam and treatment ($75 value) Weinhold Chiropractic Mt. Joy (by Dr. Leah Reiff)

-65 stroopwaffels

-video slideshow for wedding/funeral/birthday/celebration/family event from Backrowvideo ($250 value)

-4 advent art pieces from West End Mennonite Fellowship

-5 cookbooks (Renee Graber)

-flower arrangements

-Longaberger baskets

-hand crocheted scarf

-hand made coffee bean candle

-small wooden table

-wooden shelf

-hanging flower basket

-family fun night basket ($50 value)

-2 aprons

-1-2 flannel baby blankets

-vehicle oil change and service

-2 gift certificates for 9x13 cakes

-10 8x10 matted unframed Nicaragua pictures

-4 hours of waterskiing for up to 6 adults

-gardening supplies or tools

-African man's shirt

-car battery (Denny's Auto Machine Shop in Williamsport, MD)

-Loneberger pottery fruit bowl

-6 packs stamped greeting cards

-tomato plants

-chocolate covered oreos

-peanut butter fudge

-gardening gift basket

-hog maw

-rice heating pad

-iron wall decoration

-2 hours of yard work (trimming grape vines, small trees...)

-cool international item

-1-2 cheesecakes

-relaxation basket

-1 wooden hall tree (coat rack)

-3 bags that each contain 2-3 crocheted washcloths, 2-3 hotpads, and 2 scrubbie things

-6 (I think) afghans; 2 adult and the rest baby

-1 framed picture of Prague

-wooden puzzles (not sure how many my Grandpa is making)

-Buckeyes (not sure how many dozen we're planning to make)

-Lonely Monk coffee (though I have to double check with Leon how much he's donating)

-handmade jewelry (not sure what type yet)

-Kurdish meal for 8

-night/b-fast in guest house

-certificate for housecleaning

-homemade bread basket

-several loaves of homemade bread

-2 pair of embroidered pillow cases

-2 jewelry sets

-wooden tractor and wagon

-2 magazine racks

-folding end table

-homemade woven rug

-2 sequence games

-crocheted doily

-quilted wall hanging

-2 centerpieces

-2 jewelry bags (to hold jewelry)

-3 dishcloth, scrubbie bags

-1 wooden homemade truck

-2 children's aprons

-2 jars "cookie in a jar"

-1 box Stella Leona chocolates

-1 movie kit (movie, popcorn, bowl, cheese seasoning, "Dots" candy)

-1 speaker pillow (radio in the pillow) and blanket

-1 home fragrance oil kit (glass holder, diffuser, 2 home fragrances

-wooden "occasional table"

-1 pan of authentic apple strudel (made by Josef)

-gift certificate to Pottery Works

-4 pair of handmade Amala earrings (by Melissa Engle)

-2 shoo fly pies (made by Bethany)

Not goodbye

2011-04-10T18:57:00.000-04:00

You are dearly missed, sweet one. We went to see your stone yesterday and your brothers picked flowers for you. Nathaniel asked if you would come down from heaven to get the flowers. But this isn't goodbye. We will see you again someday. We love you.

Happy Birthday Alaina!

2011-04-07T10:49:00.002-04:00

Happy Birthday, my dear sweet girl!

Your brothers are so excited about celebrating your birthday today. Nathaniel asked if you like dinosaurs, and I told him you did, so he made you a dinosaur card. Zach wants to help me make a cupcake and blow out the candles for you. All 6 of them. He asked me yesterday if you can smell the flowers he picked for you, and I told him, Yes, you can smell the flowers.

photo: me at 4 months of pregnancy, 3 months before she was born

photo: holding her for the first time. She died a half hour later.

I can't wait to see you again, baby girl. Whole and healthy and full of life.

Until we meet again...

Discounts on my Nicaragua photos!

2011-04-06T09:52:00.002-04:00

I've added a few more photos to my esty shop, and in honor of our daughter Alaina, will be offering a 20% discount on all photos from April 7 through April 14th! Simply type in GIRL20 at checkout. This discount does not apply to shipping charges.

So click on my etsy shop at right and enjoy the savings!!

Some of the photos below you can buy from my etsy shop!

God's sense of humor

2011-04-06T07:57:00.000-04:00

I know I'm a little behind the times, but I had to post these pictures of what our yard looked like on Aprils 1st, Fool's Day.

I was so shocked when I woke up and looked outside my window...to see everything in white, once again! We don't live in an area where snow in April is a normal occurrence. If we lived in New Hampshire, I wouldn't think too much of it. But this is a bit rare. Of course, my boys were happy for another chance at a snowball fight.

Isn't that just like God, I chuckled to myself. He definitely has a sense of humor.

Remembering

2011-04-05T09:37:00.002-04:00

This is a tough week for us. Thursday marks 6 years since our precious daughter came into our lives, and Saturday marks 6 years ago that she died.

Springtime is always tough. Seeing the cherry trees blossoming and flowers coming alive is a bittersweet memory. While the color peeping through the ground reminds us of life, it also reminds me of death. Hard to believe it has been 6 years, and how well I remember it all, like it was yesterday.

Driving home from the hospital, trying to think through the haze of pain, medications and grief, we stopped at a stop-sign. I looked past Steve, and there on the corner was a magnificent cherry tree, in full bloom. The delicate pink flowers swayed in the breeze, so close we could almost reach out and touch them. Is God rubbing my loss in my face? I thought bitterly. Everywhere around me there was new life, and we headed home to plan our daughter's funeral. How completely ironic it all was.

And yet, like the little crocuses that are here for such a short time, so was her life. So short, so insignificant to so many people. But to us, she was a reminder of God's beauty, grace and love. She was small but beautiful.

So if you can, think of us this week, as we remember her and remember all that God has done through her short life.

Women's Encounter

2011-04-04T08:12:00.001-04:00

I enjoyed an amazing women's encounter (a.k.a. retreat) this past weekend, at a church we had previously attended. I haven't been to a conference in years, literally. There had been a season where my hubby and I went to lots of conferences, and were really blessed. Then we slowly grew out of that and went on to other things.

But when I received the postcard for this conference, time and time again, I really felt God calling me to go. So, I went. Of course, I argued with God first. But I am slowly starting to realize that when God says to do something, you do it. No matter how weird or strange or unbelievable it seems. The bible is full of people doing things that, to the human eye, seem ridiculous or crazy. Don't believe me? Just open your Bible and read for a while. It won't take long, trust me.

The main speaker was somebody really famous, and I had certain expectations. I thought that she would say something life changing and I would go home a different person. While she said many encouraging things and I was blessed, the highlight of my weekend was not the words that came out of the speakers mouth, but what God shared with me in the middle of it all.

While the worship band led on in praise and worship songs (which were good, by the way), God brought the story of the prodigal son to my mind. Now, the topics of the sessions had nothing to do with this parable, or this theme. So I thought, how strange, to be thinking of this particular story.

I remembered how the prodigal son had come home, after wasting his inheritance on foolish things, and his father had welcomed him with open arms. They feasted and celebrated. But not everybody in the house was celebrating. The older son went outside to sulk.

The father goes out to talk to the older son and ask what is wrong. The older son replies bitterly, All these years I have served you and never asked you for anything, and yet you have never celebrated over me like you do my foolish younger brother! And the father replies, Son, everything I have is yours. You only need to ask.

And in that instant, I heard God say, all these years you have served me, and you have never asked for anything. Ask me, and I will give it to you.

Lately, I have been mulling over my journey of emotional healing, wondering if I would always carry these scars in my heart and spirit, or would it be possible to have a completely new spirit? Would I always walk with a "limp", like Jacob did after he wrestled with the angel? I wanted to believe so badly that it would not be so, but feeling like it was impossible to be otherwise. I had one counselor tell me it would take years and years of therapy to work through everything I've been through. How depressing!

When God said this to me, I knew He was talking about my healing. I have never asked him for a "fast" or "supernatural" healing. But now, I am claiming His word to me. So yes, it was a very good weekend.

John Piper and the Prosperity Gospel

2011-04-01T10:25:00.003-04:00

Everything a Season

2011-03-30T12:38:00.002-04:00

Every season has it's high points and low points. We live in an area with four seasons, so delightful after living in a country with only two seasons, wet and dry. The temps varied some, but certainly not with the range we find here.

I peer out the window and catch little splashes of color, my daffodils, crocuses and hyacinths promising warmer days ahead. The radio is forecasting a mix of rain and snow tonight. *sigh* Will the warmer weather ever come, I wonder? It is hard to be patient.

For everything there is a season, He whispers to me.

And like the seasons, there are periods in my life that, try as I might, I cannot rush through. Just as the farmer has to wait the days and months for the maturing of the seeds he has sown, so it is with me. I cannot rush through my maturing. The seeds endure days of heat, drought, animals and patches of tough soil. And so must I.

So must we all, if we are ever to become all that God has intended for us.

(photo above: a path through beans planted on the hillsides near Matagalpa)

This pondering, waiting, enduring season, knowing that time is ticking away and our bodies continue to age, fills me with frustration. I want to go! I want to minister! I want to be there, to be in Nicaragua, living and working.

Godliness with contentment is great gain, He reminds me.

What is that really about? I wonder.

Learning contentment is not an easy lesson. It can hardly be forced with a snap of the fingers. Meditating on His word, and being in communion with Him daily, brings us to a place of realization. That for everything there is a season. And we cannot rush through the seasons, for there is so much to be gained, and learned, and treasured, in each one.

Ecclesiastes 3

¹ For everything there is a season,

      a time for every activity under heaven.
² A time to be born and a time to die.
      A time to plant and a time to harvest.
³ A time to kill and a time to heal.
      A time to tear down and a time to build up.
⁴ A time to cry and a time to laugh.
      A time to grieve and a time to dance.
⁵ A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
      A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
⁶ A time to search and a time to quit searching.
      A time to keep and a time to throw away.
⁷ A time to tear and a time to mend.
      A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
⁸ A time to love and a time to hate.
      A time for war and a time for peace.

Here vs. There

2011-03-28T07:47:00.001-04:00

Some more random thoughts about "re-entering"....

I still chuckle when I go shopping and see oranges...bright, intensely orange-colored oranges. They look so fake, I wondered the first few times I saw them if they were real.

I still boil my water to clean my super-greasy cake decorating items. This habit I can't seem to break.

Once in a while I still throw the toilet paper in the trash, instead of the toilet.

I no longer hesitate and wonder how many diarrhea-producing germs I am looking at when I drink water out of the faucet.

When at a parking lot, I have reduced my staring to less than 2 seconds when I see a car running, or with it's windows down, or unlocked. The first few months I had to literally hold myself back from running into the store and screaming for the person who left their car in such an unsafe position. Did they really want it stolen? I usually just stood there and gaped for a good 10 seconds. So my 2 seconds is definitely better.

I no longer think about covering up open buckets of water. There are so few mosquitoes here to reproduce.

It feels strange to have the sun going down and up in always changing times. The timing only changed about 1/2 an hour, over the course of the year.

When entering a house, I still have to restrain myself from going around and shaking everybody's hands.

I still drop by people's houses, unannounced.

When having people over, I still don't "remember" to clean first or have the house totally immaculate. It is not until after they leave that I remember Americans usually put a lot of stock in having a super clean house before inviting guests over, and wonder if my guests were offended.

Steve has stopped beeping at every moving thing on the road, when driving.

Stuff is so much cheaper here!!

Stuff is so much more expensive here!!

Yes, it's a strange feeling, being caught between two worlds.

Than Checkers

2011-03-25T08:01:00.001-04:00

So here is how you play checkers with my 4 yr old.

Everything starts our "normally". You stay on the black squares *very important* and try to jump over your opponent to take them. If you are lucky enough to get a man to the other side, here is where it gets interesting.

"King me!" he yells. I place another piece on top, then take my turn. He moves out one square, I move. On his next turn, instead of tromping around the board and wreaking havoc, he goes BACK to the same space. "Queen me!" he yells.

What in the world? I wonder.

This is the goal of the game, he explains. You keep going back to the end space to see how many pieces you can stack before they fall down.

Ah yes. How could I forget?

And there you have it.

Nicaragua on WJTL!!

2011-03-24T09:35:00.001-04:00

I am so excited to hear that our local Christian radio station, 90.3 WJTL, sent one of their radio broadcasters to Nicaragua and she is reporting live throughout the day today!!

Below is one of the pictures on her blog.

The broadcaster is Lisa Landis, and she is on the coast (the Atlantic side of Nicaragua is referred to as "the coast"), spending time with an NGO called Friends in Action. Friends in Action (FIA) is a “Friend to Missionaries”…Equipping, Sending, Drilling, Building, Assisting, Accelerating the work of reaching the unreached around the globe, with their headquarters located right here in Elizabethtown, PA!

You can stream WJTL by clicking HERE, for their website. Lisa is posting videos and pictures of her time in Nicaragua on her blog, located on the WJTL website.

It has been so fun to listen in today and hear Nicaraguan spanish being spoken, and talks of landmarks in the capital. Ah, te quiero mucho, Nicaragua!

Color

2011-03-23T10:17:00.001-04:00

The colors of spring are so vibrant, so intense, especially after a dreary winter's gray and brown.

In Nicaragua, color can be taken for granted, as it can be seen almost year round. Too soon, the dazzling flowers and green mountains lose their appeal, and life goes on.

And so it is in life, true? When we go through a dreary or painful time, either emotionally or physically, when we come through the other side, how wonderful it feels! How alive we are!

I'll never forget how wonderful it felt, physically, to not have constant pain and contractions after I delivered my baby. I felt like a new person. I so appreciated the ability to walk down to the car without wondering if I was going to make it. Or play with my children without struggling to keep a smile on my face, in the midst of great pain.

Maybe that is why sometimes God allows difficult seasons, so we can learn anew, to appreciate once again the beauty all around us.

To appreciate LIFE.

I had to throw in my latest cake creation...the flowers were particularly fun!

Lovin' It and "Dislike" it

2011-03-22T07:55:00.003-04:00

There have been a lot of up and downs in our readjustment to American society, especially for our children. Our middle boy still refuses a lot of American food, poor kid, but will gobble up rice and beans, which we serve a few times a week. I was just thinking about how when we first came back, there were very few things I liked about living here. But that list has grown the more time we've spent here, including:

waist-high counters, as opposed to close to my knees (a slight exaggeration, but not by much!)

smooth roads

fairly bug free houses

hardly any mosquitoes

libraries

museums, parks and all the free resources for kids

the doctors don't attribute my kids' sickness to superstitions

space (such as lawns)

lots of different cheeses!

free wi-fi everywhere

english-speaking church

not feeling like fish in a glass bowl (we hardly ever get stared at here....hardly)

understanding the cultural rules (although we don't always like them)

having lots to do....sometimes too much!

not having to worry about the electricity or water going off while showering

not having to fill up lots of buckets with water for those times

BUT...I still struggle with some aspects of living here. Things I "dislike":

the busyness (too many good things make it hard to say no, and make it hard to keep priorities straight 1. God, 2. my spouse and myself and 3. my children)

the constant go-go (nobody seems to know how to just hang out and relax, you have to always be doing something while conversing, the conversation is rarely the main point)

scheduling ahead...I still struggle with looking at the calendar. I almost never looked at a calendar in Nicaragua, but people don't schedule ahead. They come by the day before or that day to invite you to a birthday party.

I miss my pila (concrete washboard). it made scrubbing cloth diapers, washcloths and small clothing items so quick and easy.

lawns. I am still surprised when I drive around and see so much space, so many big lawns. It feels strange to me that people spend so much time, energy and money on something most people don't really use. While half the world is starving. It feels very strange.

It's hard to hear people complain about being "poor" when they have a vehicle, cable, internet and a place to live. They sleep in a bed all by themselves. Our housekeeper in Nicaragua shared a twin bed with 2 other people. And this is normal.

There is no perfect culture. Just like there are no perfect people.

Insights

2011-03-21T14:16:00.001-04:00

I had a few insights into the kingdom of God while making supper the other night. To read about them, click HERE to see my personal blog or click on the link at right.

It's time

2011-03-19T10:09:00.000-04:00

So...I think it is time for a new mixing bowl...what do you think?

Blogging for Compassion

2011-03-18T21:12:00.001-04:00

Do you blog?

Do you love Jesus....and children?

Here is an opportunity to combine both passions, by becoming a blogger for Compassion International.

What is a compassion blogger? Their website states:

Real estate agent. Musician. Student. Photographer. Mom. Dad. Single. Their lives may vary, but one thing Compassion Bloggers have in common: they’re using their influence in the blogosphere to transform the lives of children in poverty worldwide.

They’re posting banner ads. Telling compelling stories that inspire their readers to sponsor a child. And they’re traveling halfway around the world to see firsthand how Compassion International is releasing more than 1,000,000 children in undeveloped countries from spiritual, economic, social and physical poverty. Read their stories. And find out how you and your blog can make an eternal difference in the life of a child.

So grab a widget and check it out HERE. You may just help save a child's life.

Going back to school, perhaps?

2011-03-17T15:49:00.001-04:00

So here we are, almost 8 months since we have left Nicaragua.

There have been a lot of changes. A LOT. Culture, money, cars, food, friends, church, jobs, hmmm did we miss anything?

We moved, traveled the world (or it felt that way), sold 2/3 of our stuff, planned to return to Nicaragua, discussed and set the date back a few months, moved again, then again, then realized we needed more time and as of now, our return is....unknown.

People have been asking us when we are going back, and it's a fair question. One that I would like an answer to , as well, but since I don't really know, that is all I can say for now.

What are we waiting for? people ask.

When it comes right down to it, we are waiting for God to give us the green light. He has confirmed to us, many times and through many forms, that we are in the right place. Right now.

Which is a good place to be, overall, although it can be frustrating at times. Especially when you have dreams, and they don't include living in a trailer and trying to piecemeal work together so that you have enough to live on, and you realize that another birthday has gone by and you aren't getting any younger. And you feel a bit stranded, waiting expectantly for any sign to "keep moving". It is sort of like being 9 months pregnant and your due date is tomorrow. You have been waiting and are now waiting, in anticipation, for "that moment". It's hard to plan anything, and your whole world revolves a bit around this timing.

Praise God that lately we have had more peace than ever, and know that we are in the right place. However, we are still dreaming about the future and have some possibilities in mind.

One possibility is a 15 week course, called the H.E.A.R.T. missionary training institute, in collaboration with Warner University. H.E.A.R.T. stands for Hunger Education And Resources Training Institute is an interdenominational training center designed to prepare people to serve effectively in the Third World. Located in subtropical Florida.

Courses include nutrition and health, appropriate technology and sustainable agriculture, animal husbandry and spiritual development, among others. The first 4 weeks, there is no electricity and no running water...very primitive. And exactly what we would love to learn more about!

The catch is that it is only offered in the fall. And being 15 weeks, we would move the whole family down there. Uproot, again, and live primitively for 4 months. But it seems to be exactly what we want to learn, do and teach to others. It appears to be a very exciting opportunity for us and we are taking it into serious consideration.

So could you please be in prayer about this?...that God would show us if and when this might happen. And of course, finances. Everything costs something.

Eating out...at Home

2011-03-16T22:24:00.003-04:00

Welcome to my restaurant..or actually, Nathaniel and Zach's restaurant.

Looks good, doesn't it?

My boys have a great imagination, and I sometimes let it carry me away as well, hee hee. Keeps the child in me...alive.

Hope for Orphans

2011-03-16T11:51:00.003-04:00

Are you interested in adoption but don't know where to start? Have you thought about starting an orphans ministry at your church? Would you love to learn more about what the bible says regarding orphans?

Check out this website, called Hope for Orphans, that offers resources for churches and you!

There will be a one day workshop at Manheim Brethren in Christ church, entitled Your church and the orphan, Saturday April 2nd.

Your Church and the Orphan™ is a powerful, interactive, and fun one-day event that will bring together a group of passionate like-minded people from your church to pray, dream and learn about how God might want to use your churchon behalf of the orphan.
This informative, biblical, and hands-on group workshop experience will serve as a catalyst to help your church launch a ministry to orphans. Here are the answers to some questions you may have:

What will the schedule include?

Eight steps to launching an orphans ministry in your church

Creatively guided prayer and discussion times that will get your church well on its way to a plan for launching a church orphans ministry

An overview of key organizations that can help your church orphans ministry do what God calls you to do

Useful tools to help you take your next steps

Opportunities to interact with other churches in your area whose members share the same passions as you

Who should come?
Any follower of Christ who wants to explore how their church can make a difference for orphans and waiting children.

How many people from my church should come?
Anywhere from 3-12 people is ideal. But, if you have more than 12 sign up, certainly feel free to bring everyone.

Can I come alone?
Yes. However, this workshop has been uniquely created with team interaction in mind. Therefore, if you are planning to attend individually or with one other person, you will be seated together with other individual attendees to maximize your workshop experience.

If you'd like more information, click HERE.

Airfare for Missionaries and Adoptions

2011-03-15T16:04:00.004-04:00

Have you seen this yet?

I just ran across this website, called Cheap Missions Trips, that offer low-cost airfare for those traveling for missions trips, humanitarian reasons or adoption.

Has anyone reading this blog used them before? Would love to hear more about them!

Seems like a fantastic website...check it out HERE.

Starting a new blog

2011-03-11T12:11:00.008-05:00

Okay, so it's official.

I started thinking a few days ago, about all I've blogged in the last few months, and realized that while this blog started out as our family blog, about our life in Nicaragua, I've turned it into MY blog.

And I wasn't too happy about that.

So I fixed it.

By starting my own personal blog, which you can find by clicking on HERE, called Refined by Fire.

Or clicking on the link at your right.

So...this blog will go back to being our family blog, updates on our lives here in the U.S. and thoughts on our future, hopefully in Nicaragua, and hopefully sooner rather than later :)

And if you want to continue to follow ME, and my thoughts, struggles and conversations, become a follower of my new blog.

I will probably update my personal blog more frequently than this blog, but I guess it depends on how exciting our family life turns out to be this year. Who knows? God is full of surprises.

Almost here!

2011-03-11T11:18:00.002-05:00

My boys have been itching to get outside. Any time the thermometer climbs above the freezing point, they are out, playing in the yard.

We took advantage of the particularly nice days to check out a nearby park.

Spring is almost here, I can feel it!

Chickenpox plus cakes...

2011-03-10T19:02:00.007-05:00

So, what goes cluck cluck and rhymes with socks?

chickenpox!

Yes, I know, it's corny, but I'm digging deep to find humor this week, after my oldest came down with the chickenpox, even after having the vaccine, and the

other two boys are sick...runny noses, fevers, the green stuff, ear infections....yes, i

t's been a fun week.

BUT...

I did get to do a few cakes (yipee!) in between holding my little guy, wiping runny noses, and trying to homeschool.

I even got a few hours of sleep somewhere in there :)

Here are my latest cake creations..it's been a while since I've done a cake and I really enjoyed it.

The below is for a kid with lactose-intolerance, and others in the house couldn't eat the colored frosting, so I probed my mind for creative ways to decorate with M&M's, provided by the parents.

This one I did for my niece, which was a nice change from all the boy cakes I've done these last few months.

If you live in the Lancaster area, feel free to contact me if you have a cake need!!

Stop the Bleeding

2011-03-10T13:38:00.003-05:00

Another great song, beautifully stated, and expresses my feelings of late.

This one is titled "stop the bleeding" by FFH. Click HERE to listen to it.

How much farther must I go

'Til you say that I'm broken

How much heartache must I know

For you to say "enough's enough"

How many teardrops have to fall

For You to see that I'm empty

Is the reason for this all

So I'll admit I'm not so tough

So come and stop the bleeding

I think I finally understand

So come and stop the bleeding

I know you can

How much desert must I cross

Till I come to the Jordan

I am thirsty and I am lost

My heart is weak emptied out

So come and stop the bleeding

I think I finally understand

So come and stop the bleeding

I've tried to fix this but I can't

So come and stop the bleeding

I know You Can

So come and stop the bleeding

I think I finally understand

So come and stop the bleeding

I've tried to fix this but I can't

So come and bring the healing

I think I've had all I can stand

So come and stop the bleeding

If You can

Come and stop the bleeding

I know You can

Lent

2011-03-09T09:16:00.005-05:00

Today is Ash Wednesday.

Today starts a 40 day period known as Lent.

What is Lent?

Lent is giving up. It is reclaiming.

It is dying and it is gaining.

It is freedom and bondage.

It is both rejoicing and sorrowing.

It is knowing Jesus. It is becoming like Jesus.

for Lent, I am giving up facebook.

I am choosing to pursue my relationships in more meaningful ways.

Through phone conversations.

Over coffee.

Through the tears and opening up of myself.

My whole self.

If you would like to learn more about Lent or check out some resources, click on Ann's blog.

and perhaps, will you fast this season?

seek to draw closer to God?

and once again discover how very precious, and loved, you are.

The Warrior's Path

2011-03-08T20:38:00.005-05:00

Found this incredible website/blog and wanted to share it with you all.

It's called The Warrior's Path, and was inspired by John and Stasi Eldredge's teachings and books.

The Warrior's Path was created as a source of teaching, encouragement, and fellowship for a new generation of Christ-followers who desire to live life from the strength of their adoption as sons and daughters of the King, experiencing the "full" Christian life, and becoming God's Mighty Men and Women in the ongoing mission of bringing God's Kingdom into a dark world.

They offer weekend retreats and speaking engagements. You can find out more by clicking on The Warrior's Path.

Broken

2011-03-07T20:02:00.002-05:00

I am broken.

Broken.

My only prayer is that my life will be like the jar of perfume that was broken over Jesus' feet, sweet and used for His glory.

I have been strong, my whole life.

I've had so many people tell me, You are so strong! You've been through so much and look at you!

Yes, I was strong.

I survived a childhood with alcoholic parents, the screaming and yelling, trips to the bar to bring a parent home, working to pay for my own schooling, clothes and food.

I survived an abusive relationship in college, with a guy that was studying to be a pastor. Who is now a worship leader.

I survived the death of several babies, the death of a dream to have a large family.

I survived three years overseas, not knowing the language, not having any other Americans nearby, working and homeschooling.

But I am tired.

Tired of being strong.

Tired of carrying the pain through life.

Tired of people who claim to love and follow Jesus, and then walk away when they see my pain, see the things God has allowed in my life. No wonder so many people hate church and religion.

The world is full to the brim with pain, and as the body of Christ, don't we have the answer? But if we walk away from our own brothers and sisters pain, how in the world can we ever find the strength to offer healing to a broken world?

I don't want to be strong anymore.

I want Jesus to carry me for a while. To feel His arms around me, holding me like a child, giving me His shoulder to cry on, and hearing words of encouragement and love.

If you are in a place of pain, of brokenness, don't give up. And don't give into the world's "answers" to deal with your pain. The world only offers more pain, not less. The worlds ways may help for a time, but the pain is never healed. It only hides away, going deeper, and deeper, until it has wrapped itself around you and you begin to wonder where it all began.

And please, don't judge God because of people. While the church is meant to be many things, it is still full of flawed human beings. Many of them hurting themselves. And the church often fails.

But God NEVER fails.

NEVER.

HE will never leave you. He will never walk away from you.

If your church does not support you, then find one that does. Or find a support group. Or a close friend that will listen, and support you as you find your way through the pain.

Because there is more to life than pain. God promises.

...to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion,

to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the LORD for the display of His splendor. ~Isaiah 61: 2-4

On Letting Go

2011-03-05T21:41:00.003-05:00

Here I stand, on the edge of a cliff, barefoot, my toes clinging to the edge as small rocks tumble down, gulped up by angry waves. It's a long way down.

I feel the wind playing with my hair, wrapping it around my face, smell the salt and close my eyes. A whisper comes to me, quietly riding the wind. I strain my ears to catch the voice, but it eludes me.

I open my eyes and look out over the horizon. Dark swirling clouds, far away over the ocean, reveal a large and strong storm. And it looks to be heading this way. The roar of the waves, crashing against the rocks below, compete with the howling wind.

"What am I doing here?" I think to myself. As I turn to leave, the wind suddenly dies down, and I hear the voice, once again, my ears tingling.

"Do you trust me?" HE asks.

"Trust you?" I hesitate, unsure if I have heard correctly. I don't have to ask WHO it is. I know His voice. I've heard His voice for over 25 years now. But only the silence answers me.

My eyes drift to the horizon and the black clouds. They are coming for me. For ME.

"What do you want from me?" I ask.

Again the voice, stronger this time, gentle but confident, asks me, Do you trust me?

Inside, I struggle.

I want to trust. I want to be unafraid. I want to love and to be loved, completely and without bonds.

I turn back to the edge of the cliff, and look down, watching the white-capped waves beat against the rocks, angry and unforgiving.

"Then...let go", He says.

"LET GO, and trust ME".

I close my eyes, feel the wind around my face, the rocks under my feet, the salt in the air, and lift my hands.

And let go.

A weekend to remember

2011-03-01T10:53:00.005-05:00

This past weekend, my man and I went away to a Weekend to Remember conference, put on by Family Life, and it was SO worth the money.

It was absolutely amazing and life changing. AND, I have never laughed so hard in my life! I seriously had tears running down my face at one point.

We walked away feeling renewed, encouraged and inspired. Whether you are engaged, newlyweds, married 10 years like us, or have been married for 50 years, the words you will hear at the conference will revitalize your marriage.

Just a few tidbits from the weekend....

from the Men's session: abdicating or abusing your responsibilities as a husband is taken seriously by God (ref. Malachi 2:14-15). If we (men) abdicate our responsibilities, we force our wife to learn to live without us. If we abuse our responsibilities, we force our wife to either run or retaliate.

Speaker: Turn to your spouse and look deep into their eyes. Now say, I'm looking at the second most flawed person in this room.

There is more at stake in your marriage than just your marriage. Your marriage reflects the love of God to the world.

Sex is a thermometer, not a thermostat (of your marriage).

Love and confrontation are NOT opposites.

and so much more...

We ended the weekend by standing, holding hands with our spouse and looking into each others' eyes, and repeating our wedding vows. It was so precious. Many couples were deeply touched.

I hope to pull several blogs out of what we learned this past weekend.

So check it out at Weekend to Remember (they have them all over the country, and no, I do not get paid to talk about them :)

Like a Child

2011-03-01T10:36:00.005-05:00

I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.

The words of Jesus, as recorded in the Gospel of Mark (Mark 10:15)

I watch my children play, quietly, innocently, as I hear reports of war, violence and poverty sweep across the globe. And yet, here they play, unaware, enjoying the moment, secure in my love for them, completely trusting that I will take care of them.

They have no worries.

They do not fear war, or poverty.

I love them, and they know it.

Unless you enter the kingdom of heaven like a child, you will never enter it. ~Jesus

What does it mean, exactly?

2011-02-23T09:31:00.002-05:00

I've been pondering Jesus' discourse, found in both Matthew and Luke, where he talks about not worrying, and how His Father takes care of the birds, even though they don't save or store up for themselves, and how the Father already knows what we need.

Like food, and clothing. The basics of life.

But that we shouldn't worry about those things, but should FIRST, seek His kingdom.

What does that mean, exactly?

And why doesn't he spell it out? I mean, could Jesus be any more evasive?

Maybe, just maybe, because it looks differently for everybody.

Following His kingdom doesn't mean we all go to some poor country in Africa, live in mud huts and slap at mosquitoes.

Time and time again, as I seek God for answers and struggle with impatience, I hear His voice.

Trust in ME. Follow ME. One step at a time.

If He gave us all the answers, we wouldn't need to trust Him, would we?

If He spelled it all out, why would we need Him?

And truth be told, if we actually saw our lives, all laid out before us, some of us might be tempted to run away, screaming, and refuse to come out from under the covers.

Because for some of us, our lives involve pain. A lot of it. And who would willingly offer to suffer?

He leads us, one step at a time, asking us to place all of our trust in Him, and in nothing else.

Not ourselves.

Not our friends.

Not our church.

Not our bank account.

Not our influence or popularity.

Only HIM.

And so I go down on my knees, once again, and ask Him to show me what His kingdom looks like, for me, and to give me the faith and strength to follow Him.

2011-02-21T19:41:00.002-05:00

"I have everything I need. Not what I think I need. But what He knows I need. I can trust His love. I can trustwhat He gives. I can trust His provision of this moment." from Ann's blog.

Yes Lord, today I have everything I need.

Ann has offered a challenge, a challenge to think of something we are grateful for, every day.

Every night, as a family, we all go around and list things we are thankful for.

Tonight, my 4 yr old was thankful for church, for Sunday school and for friends.

My 7 yr old, thankful for school and joke books.

My husband, thankful for his wife.

My heart is warmed every time, to hear the sincere thanks pass through their lips.

Me? I am thankful for

snowflakes falling gently down

my kids' begging me to tickle them "just one more time"

love notes I wake up to, written by my husband

friends that encourage me

What are you thankful for today?

And head over to Ann's blog, or read her new book, One Thousand Gifts....

to be refreshed and challenged today.

Oh death, where is your sting?

2011-02-17T07:38:00.004-05:00

"Mom, is spring almost here? All the snow is melting," my oldest asks.

I pour the milk and my mind is already flying ahead, planning errands for today and answer, absentmindedly, "Why yes, spring is next month. Although the snow will be gone soon, spring doesn't officially get here until next month."

"Spring means flowers," he states matter-of-factly.

I nod my head, finding food for his lunch and stuffing his lunch box.

"We should plant some flowers, and then when the flowers come up, we can pick some..."

My heart stops. Time stands still. In a moment, I am brought back to that morning, almost 6 years ago, as I held my daughter, looked at her tiny hands, and asked God not to do this thing.

"...flowers and bring them to my sister." He smiles, with such innocence, and returns to eating his cereal.

Pain shoots through my heart and the cracks appear once again. Most days I am fine, feel fine, don't give much thought to my babies in heaven.

And then one of my boys will mention her, or ask a question, and it all comes rushing back, and I've never left. But it isn't their words that bring pain...the pain is already there.

And like a giant lake, walled up behind a concrete dam, every thought of her, every time I hear her name passed through another's lips, allows another crack to appear and let the water, the pain, pass through me.

And it's okay.

I am so glad we told our boys about Alaina.

One of the many decisions to be made after losing a child, is how to tell the subsequent children. Or to tell them at all?

But there is no shame in losing a child. Shame is for dark, dirty secrets, and the author is Satan, and there is no place for shame in a child of God.

"God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with Him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth." John the Apostle.

Hiding brings darkness, but openness allows the light to come in, to shine on the hurting places.

Her life is in the open, and our boys can talk about her, ask questions without fear of shame or reprisal. They talk about going to heaven and playing with her. And they know death. They know heaven. They ask me if I cried. Yes, I say simply. I cried for a long time. They wrap their arms around me, compassionate smiles across their faces, and then run off to play.

We have so much to learn from them. "let the children come to me, for such is the kingdom of heaven" -Jesus

Death, and pain, is not something to be feared, to be ashamed of, to hide.

How can we ask questions, not run away, and then hug and hold the person in pain? To comfort them, walk with them? To validate their pain without pat cliches? Then later on, remember that life is more than pain, more than death. We need to remind ourselves, that

Life is about LIVING.

Smiles and Bellies

2011-02-15T11:53:00.004-05:00

I love watching my boys.

I love their energy, their smiles, their infectious laughter. I love how Sebastian's cheeks and belly wiggles as he runs, how Zach sticks out his tongue when in deep concentration, and how Than fearlessly zooms around on his trike.

As I watch their joy spill over into their faces, I glimpse them in the years ahead, men living for God, turning people's hearts to HIM, in the cities and all over the world. They are counter-culture men, fearless and alive with passion.

I bend over and hug my little man, feeling his big belly and hearing his giggle. Ah, such innocence.

Love Letter

2011-02-13T17:10:00.007-05:00

Dear hubby,

Hard to believe today is 11 Valentine's Days together. I still remember it, us so young, holding hands. Sitting across from you in a booth, munching on hamburgers and feeling giddy that I was going to be married in 5 short months.

I never would have believed it if someone had told me that over the next 11 years, I would

experience the pain of loss, of holding my baby as she takes her last breaths

feel so alone while laying next to you

cry myself to sleep because of your words and actions

have 10 surgeries in 5 years and feel so physically exhausted

go overseas and think of it as one of the most lonely and difficult times of our marriage

wish I have never been married

stumble my way through grief so heavy, I didn't know how to be a wife and mother

and then I remember how God awakened you, your heart, your passions, your love,

and I remember how

you held my hands in yours, looked me in the eye and asked for my forgiveness

you promised to stand by me, no matter what happens or how long it takes

often you tell me I am beautiful, and my heart melts

I long for you to return home just so we can talk about our day, our dreams, our future together

your love slowly awakens my own again

with tears in your eyes, you told me you love me and that you have never regretted being married to me....

and neither do I.

Yes, there has been disappointment, anger, and deep piercing pain. But I love you. I always have and always will, through all the valleys, fears, dark nights and daunting mountainsides. God is leading us on a grand adventure, and as I take your hand, and we both try to understand what unconditional love is really about, may the next 11 years be better than the first.

I dedicate this song to you, for all you have taught me and sacrificed for me. Let's go dancing in the minefields.

Dancing in the Minefields by Andrew Peterson

Well I was 19 you were 21

The year we got engaged

Everyone said we were much to young

But we did it anyway

We got the rings for 40 each from a pawnshop down the road

We said our vows and took the leap now 15 years ago

Chorus:

We went dancing in the minefields

We went sailing in the storm

And it was harder than we dreamed

But I believe that’s what the promise is for

Well ‘I do’ are the two most famous last words

The beginning of the end

But to lose your life for another I’ve heard is a good place to begin

Cause the only way to find your life is to lay your own life down

And I believe it’s an easy price for the life that we have found

Chorus:

And we’re dancing in the minefields

We’re sailing in the storm

This is harder than we dreamed

But I believe that’s what the promise is for

That’s what the promise is for

Bridge:

So when I lose my way, find me

When I lose loves chains, bind me

At the end of all my faith

to the end of all my days

when I forget my name, remind me

Cause we bear the light of the son of man

So there’s nothing left to fear

So I’ll walk with you in the shadow lands

Till the shadows disappear

Cause he promised not to leave us

And his promises are true

So in the face of all this chaos baby

I can dance with you

Chorus:

So lets go dancing in the minefields

Lets go sailing in the storms

Oh lets go dancing in the minefields

And kicking down the doors

Oh lets go dancing in the minefields

And sailing in the storms

Oh this is harder than we dreamed

But I believe that’s what the promise is for

That’s what the promise is for

Going after...THE kingdom

2011-02-10T10:02:00.006-05:00

Another great song....spells out beautifully what God has been whispering to me these last few weeks....seek ye first MY kingdom, go after ME, seek ME and you will find ME.

Interestingly enough, this was our passage today for home church. I've been a Christian long enough to know that when God really wants to get your attention, He tells you the same thing, over

and over

and over again.

Through many different people and in various situations.

So I figured out that God wants me to realize that I don't have to worry about where my next meal is going to come from, or if I will run out of clothes. He will take care of my basic necessities.

What He does want from me is to go after His kingdom.

What is His kingdom, exactly? Good question.

This is something I've been wrestling with for a few weeks now, and will continue to wrestle with it. Stay tuned, I plan to post more about my journey with this question.

In the meantime, enjoy this excellent worship song.

The song is We will worship you by Carlos Whittaker

We fix our eyes on You, You are God alone

We fix our eyes on You, You’re our only hope

For all we have to lose is our very souls

We fix our eyes on You, You are God alone

We fix our eyes on You, You’re our only hope

For all we have to lose is our very souls

Save us from these comforts

Break us of our need for the familiar

Spare us any joy that’s not of You

And we will worship You

Yeah, we will worship You

Satisfy us, Lord, in Your unfailing love

Satisfy us, Lord, that You would be enough

We have nothing here, let Your kingdom come

Save us from these comforts

Break us of our need for the familiar

Spare us any joy that’s not of You

And we will worship You

Yeah, we will worship You

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Save us from these comforts

Break us of our need for the familiar

Spare us any joy that’s not of You

And we will worship You

Yeah, we will worship You

Seek Ye First

2011-02-04T07:53:00.003-05:00

Steve and I have been talking this past week, about our dreams, about our future, about our goals for our family, marriage and ourselves. It feels so exhilarating to talk about such things and let your spirit and mind soar with possibilities, always reminding myself of God's promise, He is able to do more that you can ask or imagine!

At times, "reality" comes crashing down. There are so many unknowns. So many. Like, Where will we live? How will we make a living? How will we make it back to Nicaragua? What about schooling for the kids?

It feels so...HEAVY. and I wonder, what happened to my faith?

I am a yo-yo...in one moment, filled with such faith and adventure that I feel like anything is possible, and what is there to fear? And then, it all looks so impossible to me, and I can't see my way through the murky waters, grasping at anything that looks like a foothold, desperate for air and wondering what are we doing?

In the middle of all these questions of house, jobs and food, I hear that small, urgent voice ask me...

And why do you worry about such things? Isn't life more than food and clothing?

But seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and all these things will be added unto you.

And so I cling to His promises, and wait.

Coffee Makers and Stoves don't Mix

2011-02-04T07:40:00.003-05:00

Can you guess what this is?

No?

Take a closer look.

What happened? you ask.

This is what happens when you leave a coffee MAKER on top of a stove burner, and turn the burner on. Minutes later, voila! You have a lovely mix of burnt black plastic and a ruined burner.

(it wasn't me, but somebody of the male persuasion...you have 4 choices :)

It was bound to happen....a certain male spends three years putting his primitive metal coffee maker on top of the gas burner to get his coffee, so why not the more highly advanced electric type?

My Etsy Shop

2011-01-29T21:15:00.003-05:00

I wanted to mention that I recently started an Etsy shop. What's that? you say.

It's an online community that sells handmade, vintage and other "interesting" items.

I will be selling some of my more unique photographs that I shot while in Nicaragua.

Since it's new, it only has a few photos at the moment, but keep checking back as I will be adding more as time allows. You can check on the right sidebar for my etsy shop button.

All proceeds will go towards supporting us in our return to Nicaragua.

So click HERE if you want to see what I have in my shop.

And if nothing else, at least peruse the shop and enjoy the pictures!

Paid it All

2011-01-29T20:16:00.004-05:00

The snow was falling today. Again.

It has snowed most days this past week and my boys are overjoyed.

How beautiful, each and every flake, so unique and yet, it takes millions to create a fairytale landscape.

And blindingly white. Whiter than white. It hurts the eyes to stare out over the fields, encased in Nature's cocoon.

Then it hit me.

This is how God sees us. Beautiful and unique. Without blemish or stain. His beautiful bride, in all her glory.

and then the song came to me:

Jesus paid it all
All to Him I owe
Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow

May each snowfall remind you of His love for us, and what He did for us.