Up close and personal with violence

There have been several incidents in the past month that have left me speechless, angry and sputtering the infamous and childish phrase, It’s not fair!

One incident involved our neighbor’s daughter. The neighbor has 3 teenage daughters, but divorced from his wife and has remarried, and it is obvious this has caused strife between the father and his daughters. One morning, one of his daughters appeared at my doorstep, with a large suitcase. It seemed so out of place, both her and the suitcase. They have never come to our house before. Softy, she hurriedly asked for “a favor”, explaining that she didn’t want to return her father’s suitcase to him, as they had been fighting, and would I return it for her?

Sure, I replied. I didn’t see the harm in that. She seemed really shaken, so I invited her inside to rest for a bit before heading back to her mother’s house. She sat down wearily, a bit nervous.

As I tried to make her feel at home, she quickly blurted out her story, that her stepmother had wanted her to clean some of the stepmother’s things, and the daughter refused. Apparently, they don’t get along well. As punishment, her father had whipped her with a large belt, and she lifted up her skirt to show me the back of her thighs, which were covered with large red welts, as well as both her upper arms. I was appalled. The young woman standing before me was not a child; nay, she is about 16 yrs old. That her father would do such a thing incensed me. Since it was lunchtime, I gave her some food, which she ate, and then she was on her way, after repeating her request that I return the suitcase.

After she left, my housekeeper chastised me for getting involved. I wasn’t really getting involved, I explained. I was just going to return the suitcase. It wasn’t like I was in the middle of the fight, I stated. No, you don’t understand, she shook her head emphatically. What if she presses charges? The police could take you in as a witness, since she showed you her marks. What if they make you testify? What had I to worry about, I asked her. Yes, it’s true I saw the marks. If she wanted to press charges and needed my testimony, I would gladly give it. I hadn’t done anything wrong, why should I be afraid? She looked at me like I was crazy.

I explained that this was one of the many reasons why domestic violence and sexual assault are so prevalent in Nicaragua. Because NOBODY wants to get involved or say anything. How is anything going to change if everybody is silent?

This is Nicaragua, she stated. Everybody beats their children here, emphasizing the word everybody.

Now it was MY turn to look at her like SHE was crazy. So that makes it right? I questioned. What if everybody in the world wanted to have a big orgy, I asked her. Would that make it right? Well, no, she answered. Exactly, I said. God’s word is always true, no matter the culture. If God loved us so much, as his children, that he sent his son Jesus to die for us, shouldn’t we love our children just as much? True, there needs to be discipline. But beating and discipline are NOT the same thing. God disciplines us, and yet He LOVES us. He disciplines us because He loves us.

How do we show that same love to our own children by beating them? I asked her. She only looked at me, unable to speak. I could tell she was really thinking about what I said. I hope I gave her something to think about. To understand that cultural rules are not always right. That "everybody is doing it" does not make it right by God's standards.

The sad part, well, ONE of the sad parts, is that there are so few resources for women in this country who deal with domestic violence on a daily basis. As far as I know, there are only a few safe houses in the entire country…located in the capital. Every week there is a report in the paper about a woman or her children that are killed, by machete.

Unbelievable.

There is such a need for more resources, more counselors, more workshops and training for the women here, both the survivors and the workers. But let us now forget about the men. Helping the women is only half of the solution. If we are going to overcome this vital gender issue, we have to work with the source of domestic violence – the MEN.

Please continue to remember women, AND men, both in your home community and around the world, in their fight towards equality and mutual respect, that it would continue, even against seemingly insurmountable odds. That the love of God WILL overcome.