Adjusting

I know it's been a bit since I've written. That's due to the fact that we don't have much internet access, but also because I just haven't felt like writing much lately. Or taking photographs. Or doing any of my other hobbies.



I have enjoyed sorting, cleaning and cooking some red beans from Nicaragua. There is something soothing about sitting down and sorting beans. Millions of women, across the globe and through the centuries, have done the exact same motion. I feel as though we are connected, even though I may be sitting at my nice kitchen table, and many of them are sitting on the ground.


I also made some cuajada, the salty farmer type cheese that everybody eats there, with the beans. The boys gobbled the beans and cuajada up...I guess they miss the familiar Nicaraguan food :)

Somebody asked me a few weeks ago how we were adjusting. It was hard to know how to answer.

In one sense, we seem to be adjusting well.

The stores no longer intimidate me and I can use the card machines efficiently, once again.

I am used to hot water coming out of the faucet.

My stomach is used to the protein rich diet.

I no longer think in Spanish and it's been over a month since I forgot how to say something in English.

And yet...I still feel as though I am straddling two worlds.

It's hard to relate to the consumerism and maddening rush of schedules and frantic busyness that many people seem to be involved in.

It's hard to be empathetic when people talk about "being poor", and they own 2 vehicles, have a computer, cable TV and a closet full of nice clothes.

I still feel amazed when I walk into the store and see shelves full of books...beautiful, inspiring books!

I still occasionally forget to "schedule" a visit in and just stop by, but so far it hasn't met with any ire.

It's hard to explain, but I don't feel quite at home here, although I was born an American. It's funny how only 3 years can completely turn your world upside-down. I really didn't expect that.

And my world is still spinning, from all the moving and traveling this year. We are making some good headway with our unpacking. We picked up another piece of furniture today, thanks to a family member, and so we can now all sit on something other than the floor in our living room. Interestingly enough, I didn't give it much thought, although it probably sounds funny from an American perspective.

Our Christmas was good in some ways, but strange in other ways. On the one hand it felt wonderful to be around family again, to eat familiar foods, and even go ice skating! I couldn't get enough of the green bean casserole and sweet potato casserole.

However, it was sad, to not be around our Nicaraguan family and eat the traditional relleno, with the white bread and cabbage and tomato salad. I missed the chaos of our midnight meal and fireworks. I even missed climbing into bed around 3 am, tired but so content with such amazing camaraderie.

I find that re-entry is so very much like grief. And a long process, one that cannot be rushed. God, give me the grace to be patient with myself and learn what I can, where I am at. And surround me with others that can grant me grace as well.