Nathaniel's sleep adventures continues...

I'm telling you...the kid can sleep anywhere, anytime, in any position.

For you, Alaina. April 7-9, 2005

Pregnant again!
Hope.
Expectation. Pain. Fear. Uncertainty. Pain. Confusion.
Hope.
Trust. Pain. Sleeplessness. Fear. Doubt.
Hope.
Movement! Joy. Expectation. No movement? Fear. Doubts. Heartbeat.
29 weeks. Hope?
Something wrong. Dying. World stops. Tears. Decision? C-section. Hurry, hurry! Fear. Why God? Tears. Trust.
Hope.
Scalpel. Waiting. Alive? It’s a girl!
Alaina Elizabeth.
Tears. Joy. Death. Alive! Death again. Resuscitation. Life. Tears. Confusion. Doubt.
Hope.
Pain. Tears. Pain.
Hope.
Come now! Dying. Tears. Decision? Let her go. Why God? Bargain. Take me! Please. Tears. Dead.
No hope.
Why God? Anger. Grief. Around I go.
2 months later,
Pregnant? No. Yes? No. Yes! God? Fear. Hope. Please God. Danger. Rare Ectopic. Decision? Yes. Drugs. Heartbeat. Hope. Joy. More drugs. Dead. Grief. Why God?
No hope.
Bleeding. Surgery. More blood. Surgery. ICU. Grief. Decision. Adoption? No more kids. Grief. Why God?
Prayer.
Thy will.
6 months later,
Pregnant again! Fear. Hope. Expectation. Please God.
Thy will.
Movement. Joy! Hope. Fear. Doubt. Prayer. Please God.
Thy will.
Pain. Fear. Decision? Hospital. Rupture. C-section. God?
Thy will.
Alive! Healthy!
“Nathaniel”…gift from God. I’ve come full circle.

Alaina,
I never saw you smile or heard you cry. I never wiped away your tears or heard you laugh. You lived only 42 hours and yet…your life changed me forever. I will never forget you. I look forward to seeing you again in heaven some day.

To see photos of Alaina, click on the album at right.

Candy Land - the other side

It’s always interesting playing board games with my boys. I played these games growing up, but I only had one sister, and we generally stayed within the confines of the rules. But my boys bring a whole other element to these games.

For example, take Candy Land.

Half the fun of Candy Land is that while you are waiting for your turn, your piece gets to shoot all the other pieces, performing daring stunts and flying through the air, complete with the sound effects of guns and bombs. We almost never manage to make it to the end without coming to an all out wrestling tournament between the pieces, which quickly escalates to my boys ending up on the floor, wrestling and playing.

I’m thinking of patenting this version of Candy Land. I think it would be a big hit! It would include helicopters, tanks and army boats. The pieces would try to get to Candy Land without stepping on land mines or being shot by enemy fire. I know for sure that my boys would love it.

They love anything with guns, even though we don’t have any guns in the house or allow them to watch violent movies. One day, I decided to count how many times they turned ordinary house items, such as utensils, pencils, umbrellas, etc. into guns, of their own accord. Before the end of the day, I had counted to 20 and decided to stop there! It just seems to be a boy thing.

He loves me, He loves me not...

He loves me!

Aren't these lillies beautiful!? My amazing hubby drove almost an hour over the mountains JUST to buy these flowers for me.

Because he LOVES me SO much.

It was so romantic....and I forgave him for stranding us at a local pool after hours :) I know, the Eskimo pail adds a certain flair, don't you think? That's an ice cream pail, for those of you who don't know.

But the boys had fun, as you can see from the pictures below. The boys LOVE the pool..I think they are part fish.