Accidents DO happen

This afternoon I promised my boys we would do a treasure hunt after supper.  While they cleaned up the table, I put my artistic skills to use and drew up a map and clues.

As they ran around the house, trying to find the clues, there was an enormous BANG!! and I thought the house was falling apart. Running outside, I was thankful to see the house still standing.

But shocked to see a pick-up truck had T-boned our parked car, pushing it up onto the sidewalk.

Apparently the guy came around the curve and spun on the wet road. He felt bad; at least his truck was still driveable.  I guess that is why they call them accidents.  Please, be careful when driving on wet roads!

Abundant Life

Today I am linking up with Katie's Scripture and a snapshot....

This past week I have had this verse running through my head.  Am I living life, fully, abundantly, joyously, completely alive and intentionally?  Or am I simply surviving, getting through each day, looking forward to bedtime, to my next nap, to my next vacation?  Is my vision completely future-oriented?  Or am I enjoying each day as it comes and allowing God to draw me closer to Him, through all of His mysterious ways?

A deeper story : After the fire

A great post....for those of us who are struggling to hear God, who want answers, or sometimes even wonder if God is real....check out this post, And after the fire came a gentle whisper.  And it's written by a MAN, something I would love to see more of in the blogging world.    I paced up and down the front steps of the porch, biting my thumbnail until there was nothing left to chew but skin. The anxiety in my gut was like someone had slammed a knife in my side and left me for dead.

I needed answers. I needed to come out on top. I needed to be right.

Because soon I was going to confronted. There would be accusations, and I was going to have to stand my ground. I wanted to have things my way with my accuser. Both myself and the woman I love were under attack. I needed to defend. To protect. As I waited for my turn to speak, I became angry. I prayed. I prayed for God to give me the words to say. I wanted my anger to be seen in full force. I wanted the last punch, the last word, the last laugh.

Slowing it Down and enjoying the Mess

I should be unpacking right now.

I am SO ready to have my house together, to be able to walk around without tripping on boxes, or wondering which box such and such is stashed.

I usually thought of myself as a fairly patient person, but not this week.

I was impatient with my husband, snapped at my kids, and cried to myself.

I was especially impatient with myself.

I complained to anybody who would listen, including God.

"I just want to be done with unpacking!" I whined.  but then it goes on..."I want to be done with...

"...diapers"
"...breaking up fights"
"...teaching manners"
"...learning how to be a good wife"
"...picking up toys and cleaning up messes"
"...cleaning up the messes in my own life"

Aha!  So there is the crux of it all.  Walking this healing journey has meant opening up places that have been dark for a very long time, letting the light in and handling some very big messes.  And although they call it "healing", it feels chaotic and stressful, and my life suddenly feels incredibly messy.  I have felt desperate for order somewhere in my life, if not within me, at least on the outside.  But it eludes me.  I hate feeling so messy, so out of order.

"and what is wrong with messy?" God asked me the other morning.  "where does this drive to be perfect, to have complete order, come from?"  Good question.

somehow, someway, messy has become synonymous with bad, or sinful, or unstable.  Or this feeling of not truly walking with God if my life seems to be out of order.  What a lie!  Brennan Manning states the truth so well in his book, Abba's Child:

"Christians who remain in hiding continue to live the lie.  We deny the reality of our sin.  In a futile attempt to erase our past, we deprive the community of our healing gift.  If we conceal our wounds out of fear and shame, our inner darkness can neither be illuminated nor become a light for others.  The Wounded Healer (Henri Nouwen) implies that grace and healing are communicated through the vulnerability of men and women who have been fractured and heartbroken by life.  In Love's service, only wounded soldiers can serve."

But HE is teaching me to relax, to slow down, to look beyond the messy.  To open my eyes and understand that the messy pile is just a part of life.

To be human is to be messy.

None of us are perfect, and so when we allow God to work in us, there will inevitably be a mess.  You cannot clean a room without making a mess.  You cannot bake a cake without making a mess.  You cannot have a baby without making a mess.

So when I go to bed tonight and still have to walk around boxes, I'll remember that it's okay.  One cannot move and be completely unpacked and moved in within a day.  Neither can I heal from a lifetime of hurt overnight.  So today I will unpack and heal and enjoy life, and that is all God asks of me.  To follow Him today wherever He may lead and let the rest go.