"It just happened!" they cry, as if they had absolutely nothing to do with the accident/spill/toilet paper in the bathtub/paint-all-over-the-walls/pillows-smashed-to-smithereens/{add your own lovely experiences here}.
You know what I'm talking about.
But alas, good marriages do not just happen.
They don't just happen because you eat supper together, make a few babies and sleep in the same bed together. Indeed, these can all create even more space in the relationship. We know. Believe us, we know.
At the marriage weekend away we attended a few months ago, they emphasized that marriages are not stagnant. You are either moving closer together, or moving farther apart. There is no "floating along".
When we came to a crossroads and separation seemed the easy way out, we turned and walked towards commitment. Hard work. A changing of our priorities.
We have date night at least once every two weeks, where we don't talk about the kids, the bills or work. We talk about ourselves, we open ourselves up, become transparent and vulnerable. This can only happen with time, with consistent time away. We check in with each other, ask how we can be a better spouse, how can we support each other better. And we are honest.
We only schedule 2 nights away a week. This ensures that we have time in the evenings to talk and relax together. This means getting the kids to bed at a decent hour. We love our children, and we love our friends, but they are not more important than our marriage. Our marriage was here first, and it will still be here, God willing, when the children leave the house. This is, and was, a very intentional reordering of our priorities. And the kids know, after hearing it many times, that "mommy and daddy time" is very important. And amazingly, they are happier for it.
At the moment I am reading an amazing and insightful book, called Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. More on that for the next post....
3 comments:
You guys are such a beautiful couple. You inspire me; I don't want try to be just like you, but I cherish your example. I want to do what you do.
thanks :) Yes, please don't be like us, we are so not perfect! But try to follow Jesus' words, which is our goal, and is the hardest thing you will ever do.
So glad that we are getting to know you guys! (We love date night too! Thanks for this week.)
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