Broken

I am broken.

Broken.

My only prayer is that my life will be like the jar of perfume that was broken over Jesus' feet, sweet and used for His glory.

I have been strong, my whole life.

I've had so many people tell me, You are so strong! You've been through so much and look at you!

Yes, I was strong.

I survived a childhood with alcoholic parents, the screaming and yelling, trips to the bar to bring a parent home, working to pay for my own schooling, clothes and food.

I survived an abusive relationship in college, with a guy that was studying to be a pastor. Who is now a worship leader.

I survived the death of several babies, the death of a dream to have a large family.

I survived three years overseas, not knowing the language, not having any other Americans nearby, working and homeschooling.

But I am tired.

Tired of being strong.

Tired of carrying the pain through life.

Tired of people who claim to love and follow Jesus, and then walk away when they see my pain, see the things God has allowed in my life. No wonder so many people hate church and religion.

The world is full to the brim with pain, and as the body of Christ, don't we have the answer? But if we walk away from our own brothers and sisters pain, how in the world can we ever find the strength to offer healing to a broken world?

I don't want to be strong anymore.

I want Jesus to carry me for a while. To feel His arms around me, holding me like a child, giving me His shoulder to cry on, and hearing words of encouragement and love.

If you are in a place of pain, of brokenness, don't give up. And don't give into the world's "answers" to deal with your pain. The world only offers more pain, not less. The worlds ways may help for a time, but the pain is never healed. It only hides away, going deeper, and deeper, until it has wrapped itself around you and you begin to wonder where it all began.

And please, don't judge God because of people. While the church is meant to be many things, it is still full of flawed human beings. Many of them hurting themselves. And the church often fails.

But God NEVER fails.

NEVER.

HE will never leave you. He will never walk away from you.

If your church does not support you, then find one that does. Or find a support group. Or a close friend that will listen, and support you as you find your way through the pain.

Because there is more to life than pain. God promises.

...to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion,

to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the LORD for the display of His splendor. ~Isaiah 61: 2-4